
Iām pretty sure you would know at least one Filipino in your life. Weāre freaking everywhere. Iāve been to over 10 countries and in every single one thereās a Filipino there somewhere. Just to be clear, Iām not bashing my peoples but simply poking fun. We are genuine folk who have a really good sense of humor. Diamond in a rough. Believe me, we are even funnier in Tagalog. Belated Happy Independence Day, my beloved Pilipinas!
1. Say āHAAA?ā when you canāt hear something instead of saying the more civilized āWhat?ā or āCome again?ā This is one of my favorite things that we Filipinos do. It has to be this Neanderthal sounding āHAAA?ā instead of āHuh?ā You should hear me and my friends trying to have a conversation at a crowded bar, we sound like a bunch of birds during mating season.
2. Interchange your Bs and Vs and Ps and Fs. You should also replace your THs with Ds. Another classic trait of Pinoys. Bictory, bideo (video) pirst, pinish, Pilipins, peyborit (favorite), what da puck, pader (father). I could go on for days. Yo, English is hard. Give us a break.
3. Use a spoon for everything. My American friends always give me shit about this. You would always see me using a fork with a spoon. It makes the most sense, really. Why would I not use this amazing man-made tool that is conveniently shaped like a mouth-sized shovel to push food to my face??? And Iām the stupid one? Shieeet.
4. Eat rice with everything. I donāt understand how people eat rice as a side. It really astounds me. For Filipinos, rice is 50% of the meal. The other half is the entrĆ©e, usually a kind of meat. Thatās why weāre not usually grossly fat. Carbs and protein is what basically our diet consists of.
5. Make beso beso with everyone. Beso means ākiss.ā I donāt even know how many cheeks Iāve kissed in my entire life over there. Saying hello and goodbye calls for a beso for practically every person in the room. Meeting someone for the first time also constitutes for a beso, I guess it depends on how comfortable you are with putting your lips on some strangerās cheeks. If itās an elderly long lost relative, itās acceptable. If itās the guy that delivers your Chinese food, probably not.
6. Call over the server at a restaurant with obnoxious hand movements. Iāve tried explaining this thing countless times to my American counterparts but I always just end up sounding like an idiot. I told you English is hard. See, us Filipinos are more private, internal people who respect each otherās personal space. We are the total opposite of American culture, weāre not ones to approach the other person first, ask a stranger how their day was, and say everything thatās on our mind. Donāt get me wrong, I like this American trait. Sometimes. I just basically hate people, so this will never be my thing. People probably hate me too because of this, but I can live with that. So going back, servers back home will not approach your table every now and then checking how your food is or asking if you need anything. They respect our privacy so they will only come when needed. And how would they know, you ask? You would have to wave your hands in the air like you were drowning to get their attention. The first time I did this was back in Chicago with my best friend Keri. She looked at me in horror and demanded me to explain what the f*ck I was doing. I was like āWhat??? What did I do???ā She told me I looked like a crazy person. We donāt do that shit in America.
7. Point at things using your mouth. In relation to making a fool out of yourself at a restaurant, us Filipinos also use other body parts to point something out. Use your mouth by puckering it up and pointing in the general direction of where something is. I eventually grew out of this comical habit when I moved to the States because it kept giving people the wrong impression. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.
8. You can always have something done for you for a price. During my trip last Christmas, I got a rental car for the first few days. I went to Makati, the Central Business District, itās like the third world Wall Street, to have lunch with my sister and cousin. I guess I forgot how cramped everything is back home that I accidentally scratched the front bumper trying to squeeze out of the tiny parking spot. I panicked and didnāt wanna lose the P5,000 safety deposit at the rental place so I drove down to Evangelista, a long avenue of auto shops next to each other. I paid P500 to have three guys buff and paint over the scratch.
9. Not being afraid of what you put in your mouth. I bet thatās not the first time youāve heard that before, slut. Iām kidding. One time during a trip to Vietnam, I ordered pigeon at a restaurant. I brought back the head to show my co-workers and everyone freaked out and thought I was some sort of house cat bringing back my master my first kill. In case you didnāt know, pigeon looks and tastes just like chicken. A chicken that ate a lot of dirt. Back home we have a lot of interesting street food, fried chicken intestines are my favorite. If you donāt know what Iām talking about and havenāt tried then you shouldnāt judge, mmkay?
10. Be a fan of Pacman. Oh how could you forget olā Manny Pacquiao. If youāre Filipino, you must love him by default. Heās practically half the reason why the rest of the world knows about our country.