An Open Letter From Your Virginity

I was there first. I was always part of you. Even when you weren’t aware of it, I was timidly part of you. You spent all of your childhood and the beginning of your adolescence without ever thinking about me. But I was there through it all. I lived with you for your most guiltless years. Through the gawkiness of your adolescence; there I was, the biggest proof of your innocence.

You were in charge; you could destroy me in a heartbeat. All it would take was for you to go home with one of the many boys who looked at your body like it was the 8th wonder of the world. And although you could end my life any time you wanted to, you chose not to.

You were in charge, but I affected most of your decisions, didn’t I? I was the reason your first boyfriend broke up with you, because he wanted me and you didn’t want to give me to him. I was the reason people called you a prude. I was the reason you didn’t want to have that third drink, because you were too scared that if your vision became blurry, you’d lose me.

You always stood up for me, always fought for me. Through all the lure and lust, you and I always ended the night together. Whenever one of those voracious boys placed their hands on your body and whispered sweet words to you, I was so scared I’d become theirs. I didn’t want to be theirs. Everything they said sounded rehearsed and I heard them say the exact same thing to that blonde girl from your biology class. When I saw them walking towards us, I could already tell that all they wanted was to separate us. But I was so lucky because you cherished me and loved me so much.

I loved you too, you know. I had so much faith in us. I really thought we could be together for a long time. I always thought y that you when it was time for us to go our separate ways, you’d make sure that I was given to the right person.

And then it all changed.

What changed? I still don’t know where we went wrong… Did I do something? When did you stop loving me? Did I hurt you? I know people would give you funny looks when you told them you and I were still together, but I never meant for that to happen. I never wanted to make you feel ashamed of me. I wanted to make you proud. When did I stop being so treasurable to you?

I felt so betrayed. When he asked you if you were ready to give me away, every inch of me prayed that you would give him the answer you had given so many guys before. But you didn’t. I screamed, I cried and I fought. I gripped onto you with the strongest clutch I could. I begged for you to remember everything we shared, but you ignored my cry and handed me over.

And then it was over. Everything we were was gone. And I knew we were never, ever going to get back together. That was the end of almost two decades of commitment. You didn’t even regret losing me. It’s like I was never important to you.

I hate my new home. He parades me to everyone, he is so proud that he separated us; he always brags about taking me from you. I miss you. I know you miss me too. And I’m truly sorry that you have to live with the pain of our separation. But I am never coming back to you, you have to come with peace with that now, because you were the one who let me go.

I’m sorry about how things turned out between us. But I hear that you’ve met my close friend, Love. How are things going between you two? I can see that she makes you happy. I hope she can replace me. I hope she can make you happy. Don’t make the same mistake you made with me. Learn love’s worth before you give it up. I hope love makes you happier than I ever did.

With love,
Your virginity Thought Catalog Logo Mark

featured image – The To Do List

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