He told me that the army was his calling in life. He used to look me straight in the eyes and explain how it was something he needed to do. His voice used to fill with pride when he would talk about protecting the people of the world, and making a difference. When he finally received his military acceptance letter he couldn’t be more thrilled about packing up his life and placing it in an army backpack.
He asked me to follow him and move to Alberta. I wasn’t thrilled about it. I didn’t want to be an army girlfriend, but mostly I didn’t want my life to be dictated by the military.
I have the upmost respect for soldiers and their family, but that wasn’t how I pictured my life. However being 20 years old, and “in love,” I agreed to give it a try. I’m a strong girl, and I don’t need to be constantly comforted by the presence of my boyfriend. I waved goodbye to him, proudly, as he embarked on his life calling and departed for military basic training. Meanwhile, I prepared for the prospect of packing up my life and moving to another province.
Never in 100 years would I have guessed what happened next. I will never forget the text message I received from him. Only one hour after arriving at training and he hated it. Sixty minutes in, and he gave up. I silently rejoiced, however I told myself not to get my hopes up; he’s probably just having a bad day. I encouraged him to stay. I told him to be brave and finish what he started. “After all babe, this is your life calling.”
But he just didn’t listen. He was able to complete 5 days of training, then he quit. After only 120 hours into his “life calling,” he gave up. He didn’t even get a uniform or a gun.
Here’s the kicker, he didn’t give up honorable like a real man. He couldn’t look his trainer officer in the eye and tell him politely the military just wasn’t for him. He took the cowardly way out. My boyfriend looked his training officer in the eye and lied to him.
He blamed it on injury. He told him he injured his back during training. He took the spineless method out in every way possible. Upon his return home, he didn’t even have the guts to tell his friends. He lied to them all. I can count on one hand the people who know of his cowardly actions. The honorable route to take would have been to admit it wasn’t for you and moves on with your life. But he didn’t have enough guts.
Upon his homecoming, I went along with his lie. I enabled him to play his coward card, and reinstated the facts of his false injury. I empowered his lie, a mistake I am now regretting. The day he returned home he looked me in the eye and told me that his priorities in life had changed, and he realized the military lifestyle wasn’t something he wanted anymore. He told me our love was stronger and more important than the military. He promised me he would never reapply back to the military as long as things were going well in our relationship.
Well newsflash: everyone fights, and things aren’t always going to be perfect – that’s just a reality in life. You’re not going to agree on everything, especially when you’re a 21 and 22 years old couple trying to figure out what you want in life. We didn’t always have our shit together, but we were trying. We were young and in love… or at least I was.
Exactly a year later you told me you were applying for the military…again. I was completely heartbroken. You started rambling on about the same bullshit. That this was your life calling, and how it was just something you needed to do. All I felt was numb. It felt like someone swung a baseball bat into my gut and completely knocked the air out of my system.
It’s been almost three months now and looking back, I find it pretty pathetic; you couldn’t even look me in the eye. You looked down at the ground when you admitted to re-applying months ago, and had been lying to me about it for months. For someone who craved such a brave career path, you couldn’t even muster enough courage to look me in the eye.
So now I am speaking directly to you B.
When I broke up with you I wished you the best of luck on your military profession. I took the highroad on that one. Now, three months later, I regret to inform you I have changed my point of view and there is something I need to get off my chest.
I’m no longer upset you made me lie about your injury. I’m not mad that you started dating someone else four days after we broke up. And I’m no longer bitter that you lied behind my back about the military.
I’m positively livid about the fact you think you are a brave individual with an honorable career ahead of you. I remember how you use to puff out your chest when people asked you how you injured yourself. You’d state with pride, “I was a soldier in the military.”
Newsflash B, you’re a coward and a quitter. And I sincerely hope that the military doesn’t reaccept a maggot like you who can’t even look someone in the eye and state the god damn truth.