I Used To Be A “Nice Guy,” But Now I Know The Way Out


I know you. I’ve been you. I know how it hurts to like someone and just watch her pursue jerks. I know how it hurts to take rejection after rejection. I know it, because I’ve walked many miles in your shoes.

And I know the way out.

Make something of yourself. Not because you want to win that one girl you pine for. But because you want to show the world, that you deserve better. It’s really that simple.

I did. I was that kid, all through high school and university. I didn’t kiss a girl till I was 17. I didn’t get a girlfriend until 23. I was that guy. But, even in the depths of my despair, I chose to believe two things:

I deserved better.

I could do better by working hard.

And thus I set out to make something of myself. I earned a degree in engineering. I joined the Air Force, learned how to fly airplanes and became a practicing aerospace engineer and an Air Force Captain. I learned how to invest in the stock market and grew a nice little nest egg (which may well let me retire before 50). Became a homeowner. And participated in a hot start-up. I learned how to cook and I learned several languages and traveled to a few places.

That self-improvement paid off. I don’t see myself as any different from that shy 20-year old college kid. And even today, I am not the guy who comes in loud and the centre of attention at a party. I don’t read pick-up books and try to game women. I don’t think I’m any more suave or sophisticated. But women certainly don’t see me that way. I’ve never dated less than a 7 (on looks). And every single one of my girlfriends were simply wonderful women who were kind, caring and intelligent.

My fiancée is the cherry on top. The most beautiful women I’ve ever been with and also the most intelligent, loyal, selfless and hardworking person I know. People are stunned when they meet her. Every time she walks down a sidewalk, guys give her the once over. And my male friends and relatives call her “the total package”. And the best part of this? She thinks she’s the lucky one because I’m loving and loyal.

But none of that would have ever happened without walking down the road to self-improvement. I didn’t do any of it to land women. I pursued what my passions and sought to improve my station in life. It paid off. And success with women came with that.

And those women that I pined for and pursued? I think back and laugh at the thought that I ever pursued them. My wife to be is more attractive and a better person than every single of them. And none of them have achieved in life, anywhere close to what I have. Frankly, I think I dodged a bullet with every one of them.

So today, when you’re wracked with heartache, despair, self-loathing and doubt, stand up and ask yourself, what I am doing to deserve love? Not the love of that one girl you pine for. But the love of women, significantly better than her.

What do you have to offer and bring to the table? How are you working to better yourself?

Don’t allow yourself an excuse. Remember that every day you waste, is a day further from the woman that you are supposed to end up with. Work hard, and I promise you, one day, you too will look back on these crushes and wonder, “what did I ever see in them?” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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