Yesterday I read an article on Thought Catalog called I Am In A Sexless Marriage, This Is What I Am Begging Young Men To Consider Before They Get Married. I’m not the woman in the story, but it is similar to my own situation so I wanted to share my story, what it’s like to be the woman in this scenario.
My husband and I had a great sex life when we were dating, it was fun, new, and exciting. It made me feel desired and loved the way he always wanted me. Looking back, I know that that was what I enjoyed about our sex life, not the sex itself. The few times I did initiate sex, it was because I knew he would like that. Our sex life was about attracting him and making him happy, not a reflection of something I truly wanted.
I thought this was how all women feel. It might be, but I can only speak for myself. I thought, I guess, as harsh as it seems to say this out loud, that sex was one of many things women do to find a great guy that is completely unrealistic to keep up with for the rest of your life: dressing up every single time you see him, not bothering him with your problems, always trying to seem fun and sexy and attractive, and — always being up for sex.
The truth is, sex isn’t that interesting to me. For the first few years of marriage I managed to keep it up to once a week or once every two weeks but then we had our first child and all the energy I had to put into making my husband happy was now being spent on her. I have no idea how other women do this. I worked part time as a receptionist at a clinic to help with our bills but allow me to spend most of my time with the baby and I managed to make dinner almost every night and keep our house clean and our bills paid. There simply wasn’t any more time or energy to do anything. So our sex life dropped to basically zero until we started trying for another kid. We both wanted more than one and even though our sex life wasn’t in a great place, we still love each other. Sex isn’t everything.
I give my husband a lot, I can’t imagine he would be this upset because I’m not super human.
He has two beautiful children, he has hot meals that I make him, he has a clean home and a clean bed to sleep in. I’m at capacity giving him these things, I didn’t know not being a sex maniac at the end of all my long days was enough for someone like him (the author of this article) to be so upset. It’s not that he’s suddenly put on weight or become unattractive, I’ve never been a shallow person so I judge him as a loving, generous man and I think he’s very handsome. At this point we haven’t had sex probably in maybe three years. I feel perfectly content and happy with our life.
We’re adults, adult life is not all fun and games.
It’s just that there simply isn’t enough of me to do everything I do and be his sex kitten. I’m doing all I can and this should be enough for him. He married me and he made a vow to love me for better or worse and it seems very petty and immature for him to complain about a lack of sex when I have given him everything else.