I had heard about Fleshlights for quite some time, but it was always in a joking manner. I suppose it’s not something you normally post on Facebook. “Hey everyone! I got this new Fleshlight and let me tell you, it’s superb!” No one that I knew actually had one and I had never even seen one in person. That all changed a few days ago.
Let me start out by saying I’m not some overweight troll living in my parent’s basement just jacking off to porn all day. I date a normal amount, I have my own place, and I’m decently attractive if I say so myself. Like most other men and women in the world, I also enjoy masturbating from time to time. Not a crazy amount, but if I don’t have sex in a day or two, there’s a good chance I’ll be taking matters into my own hands.
A few weeks ago I was in an online rabbit hole and saw an ad for Fleshlights. If you’re not familiar with what they are, it’s basically the dildo equivalent of a guy’s sex toy. I started thinking about it and trying to figure out why it was so acceptable in my mind for a girl to have a sex toy, but for a guy, it would be weird. We can both use our hands, but sometimes you want a change.
I started looking through the site and it was like how I imagined the Jetson’s would masturbate. I ordered the basic one since I didn’t really know what I was getting into and waited for it to arrive.
A few days later I got it in the mail in a super discreet box (thank god) and didn’t open it for several days. I don’t why, but I was nervous about it. Finally, a few days ago, I figured it was finally time to put it to the test. The case looks just like a big flashlight, so it’s much less discreet than having a big dildo sitting on your dresser. I could seriously put it under the sink with tools and cleaning products and no one would notice. I dimmed the lights and almost lit some candles, but thought that might be a little much. The instructions said to put lube on the opening of the Fleshlight as well as a little inside of it, then on my penis as well. I flipped through a few of my favorite porn clips, trying to find the perfect one for this moment. It seriously felt like a first date or something. I got hard enough to where I would normally be able to start having sex and slid the Fleshlight onto myself.
Listen to me: every guy needs to have one of these and every girl should buy one for their husband or boyfriend when they’re out of town.
It seriously felt like having sex. Every time I moved it up and down, the feeling was unbelievable. I have a larger penis so it’s rare that I can go all the way inside of my partner, but with the Fleshlight I could push as deep as I wanted and just hold it there. When I finally had an orgasm, it was one of the most intense ones I’ve ever had in my life. I seriously shook for two minutes.
When I was done, cleanup was easy. You just take out the insert and run some hot water through it. It takes me longer to clean up when I masturbate using my hands because there’s always a wild shot of cum that went rogue and ended up getting all over my chest. This took maybe 30 seconds to clean. I slept better that night than I’ve slept in months.
I couldn’t experience this amazingness and not share it with the world. It’s the best investment I’ve ever made, and I own stock in Apple and Chipotle.