I was at a nightclub dancing the night away per the usual and this hot guy walks up to me on the dance floor and asks me for my number. I was flattered and played along. A few days later, he messages me and we meet up.
We start hanging out and a few dates lead to us having sex. The first time, he specifically asks me; “you said you were spayed right, do you want to use a condom” Without hesitation, I answered “Yes”.
The following weeks and more hang-outs, we continue having sex and we always use condoms. I am always the one carrying condoms. I practice safe sex.
This past weekend he invites me to a BBQ. I happily agreed. As the night goes on, much drinking and fun ensued. Parts of the evening are a blur and some of the audio/video in my memory reel is missing’ however, a general idea of the evening is present.
I noticed when I woke up a few hours to use the restroom at dawn, the usual multiple used condoms and wrappers were missing from the floor/side table. I started having this dreaded feeling in my stomach that this totally cool guy I had been hanging out with and fucking for the several weeks, had unprotected sex with me, without my permission.
I asked him “did you bareback me last night” and the “what” was replied. I asked again and he answered “Yes, I did for a minute”. That was pretty much the end of the conversation.
I understand that I am responsible for my own safety and well-being. I understand that I should not allow myself to get too intoxicated so that I am present and able to make decisions.
I went on to tell him that I was taking 50% responsibility for what happened because I didn’t specifically tell him I had condoms in my bag and for not setting them out. I also told him that I was partially responsible due that I gotten too intoxicated and didn’t attempt to correct him before he penetrated me.
However, I should not of had to considering the level of consent and play we had in the past, right?
If he had made an apologetic effort to give me aftercare and would of had an uncomfortable conversation with me about what happened, I wouldn’t feel so violated and regretful. This situation sucks and I unfortunately now know what it feels like when I read posts about other women being penetrated bareback without their permission.
I concluded that the lesson learned is; I was penetrated bareback and it happened because I drank too much.
This wouldn’t of happened if I hadn’t of been so intoxicated. Do I feel this way because the other person’s unwillingness to take partial responsibility and unapologetic response? I am wondering if more men would respond accordingly and provide aftercare, would there be less reports of bareback penetration?