1. Walk in a store and gravitate towards those shiny red SALE tags or those discounted yellow flags. Avoid everything that’s hanging on the wall and head straight for the scattered racks!
2. Walk straight past those stores. You know, the huge glassy looking empty stores that only have one or two sparse racks of clothes, a huge couch, a chandelier and a tall model of a sales girl peering intently at you. Yeah, those!
3. See something you really want and it’s the last one left in your size so you stash it under a pile of jeans or in the shoe section of the store so you can swing by and grab it later.
4. Try something on and when it fits perfectly and you decide to buy it, you scurry quickly to the rack to find a “new,” one in your size again. One preferably from the very back of the rack so no one would’ve tried it on.
5. Scramble the shelves uselessly to find something of your size. Yes, I know we should all apologize to the sales crew for having tarnished their shelves and ripped everything off but sometimes we just can’t help it!
6. And when you do decide to fold it back, you never fold them the right way. You fold them so that they obtain a sort of arbitrary unknown blob of a shape.
7. Buy something out of peer pressure aka when you accidentally went into that expensive store and the sales clerk is hovering over you and she spent so much time fitting you with the right shoe that you feel embarrassed because you probably can’t afford it, and guilty because she paid so much attention to you so you end up chirpily making your way to the counter to just avoid the whole situation!
8. See someone else snag the last pair of jeans in your size and color so you shadow her around the store stealthily in case she suddenly decides she doesn’t want it anymore and drops it. As if!
9. Stand in line and see someone else pass by with that amazing T-shirt that somehow you didn’t notice and you get that creeping inkling feeling that you simply HAVE to get out of the line and either ask her where she got it or hunt throughout the entire store because you simply HAVE to have it.
10. Try to not make eye contact with the aggregation of sales girls on commission who are targeting everyone who walks in the store.
11. Use that famous phrase, “No, I’m just looking.”
12. Take selfies in the dressing room and quickly send them to your BFF to get approval before you buy the dress.
13. Do the walk of shame when you carry 10 items in the dressing room, try them on and then awkwardly hand them all back to the sales girl after she politely asks, “How did you find everything?”
14. Go shopping with your best friend and then buy something just because she’s buying something. And then there’s that awkward moment where you both want the same thing and you have to nicely justify who should be the buyer and the borrower.
15. Go to one of those shady stores that only have a curtain in front of the dressing room so you make sure that someone is there is stand guard in case the entire world sees you in your bloomers.
16. When you’re at the counter and they ask, “Did anyone help you today?” and you quietly whisper no because either no one helped you or you can’t remember her name. Unless you do what I do and flail around pointing to random people saying, “Yes, that girl helped me.”
17. Immediately see a sign that says “$5” and you grab like a gazillion things and march to the counter only to be HORRIBLY embarrassed when the sales clerk says “It’s actually from $5 if you read the fine print, so your total is $350.”
18. Always have that panic moment right when you’re cashing and your card isn’t going through and the hair on your neck starts prickling and you’re wondering how much cash is even on your card! And then there’s the whole group of people behind you with those glaring eyes wondering if it will get declined.
19. When you walk into a really expensive store and the stores clerk doesn’t even budge because she sizes you up and definitely knows that you can’t possibly afford anything in the store. You realize that it’s true, so you just walk out.
20. When you’re in the line and you realize you don’t want that random hoodie you picked up at the last minute, so you literally roll it up and stick it in the nearest rack.
21. When you and your girlfriends go shopping and you send one person in each line to see whoever gets the shortest line.
22. When there’s a sale with weird percentages like 33% off or 85% off and you bring a calculator so that you can actively engage in price reduction and feel much better about the amount of items in your cart.
23. When you go bargain hunting and you pick up like 50 things and you and your friend have to go in a quiet corner and do something me and my sister like to call “Re-evaluation.” It involves picking out item by item and justifying if you should get it or not.
24. When there’s that “It’s under 5$ so I have to get it,” attitude. Oh and especially when there’s that moment when “$300 is too expensive but $450 to $300 means I HAVE TO GET THIS!”
25. When you ask the clerk to give you an abnormally large bag for a small purchase so you can start piling your other bags in it. And by the end of the day your bags are practically bursting you have to pause periodically in between the gasps as you haul your stuff to the bus stop wondering if you’ll even make the journey home!