20 Reasons I’m Terrified Of Growing Old

I’ve often believed that time is just a concept we made up because we were so terrified of timelessness. A concept we believed in and practiced not for the love of watching the hours tick by but for the sole purpose of preventing chaos. We are no younger than we were yesterday.
image - Flickr / lauren rushing
image – Flickr / lauren rushing

1. I am afraid that I will grow old, look back on my life and realize how much time I’ve wasted. I’m terrified that I will regret not going on the school trip that summer or not taking that internship in Australia all because I was afraid of change.

2. I’m afraid that I will grow old and wish that I had accomplished more than my 20s or 30s could possibly handle. That I had learned more, travelled more, dreamed more and succeed more.

3. I’m afraid that I will look in the mirror and see a wrinkled face and an age-old body that is unable to travel the world or stay up at nights and dance until the sun came down.

4. I’m afraid that I will no longer be that beautiful girl, the one with the twinkle in her eyes that lights up every time she smiles. That, I’d lose the glow to my cheeks, the silkiness of my hair and the smooth skin I’d once cherished.

5. I’m afraid that I will grow old and be alone because of the grudges I held, the friends I pushed away and the people I refused to open my heart to.

6. I am afraid that one day, while I’m strolling in the isles at the supermarket, I’ll see the guy I turned down or the guy whose heart I’d broken, with a beautiful wife and two squealing children, and I’d realize what I foolishly gave up.

7. I’m afraid that one day I’ll wake up and the people that I loved would no longer be there. That all that would be left would be memories of my mother, my sister and my childhood friends, and I’d have to come to terms with the fact that nothing lasts forever.

8. I’m afraid that I will grow old and spend my nights wishing that I was young again. That I had that much strength and agility and time. That I could stop complaining each and every day about little things and truly understand the inevitability of growing old.

9. I’m afraid that I will grow old and be undesirable. That the men I would have once entranced would pass me straight. That I would simply be a shadow of my former self, wishing that the past me would have spent more nights kissing, making love and experiencing the simple pleasures the world had to offer.

10. I am afraid that as stereotypical and it may sound, I would be struck down by some sort of sickness, or depression and I’d be unable to see the silver lining. I am afraid that I am a coward for dreading the suffering and the pain that may come as the years go by.

11. I’m afraid that I would wish I treated my body better. That I’d eaten healthier exercised more and filled my life with a secret store-hold of youth I could call upon in my later years.

12. I’m afraid that I will lose my memory and all the wonderful, unimaginable experiences I had would suddenly drift away like smoky tendrils from my mind and I’d have nothing to call my own.

13. I’m afraid that I will be too afraid of being tied down and too terrified of commitment that I’d lose the only good relationship I had. And I’d wish that I hadn’t thought it was too late in my 30s or 40s or 50s to find it in me to love again.

14. I’m afraid that I will grow old and hate myself for worrying and getting angry over stupid little things that my old brain can’t even recall. And that I’d only remember the emotions I felt and the time I’ve wasted being half of what I could have been.

15. I’m afraid that I will grow old and I will be disappointed that I didn’t say important things to the people that mattered the most, that I had said “I love you,” every single day and that I hadn’t gone to sleep without resolving an argument. Because I’d finally understand how important last words really were.

16. I’m afraid that I will look back on past pictures or videos of myself and wonder how the hell I thought I was fat or that my eyes were too wide and my smile was too crooked. I’d wish I could jump right back in that picture and tell that girl that she was beautiful.

17. I’m afraid that I’d wish I spent more time giving back to the world, participating in charity events or just doing something to make a difference or leave my mark.

18. I’m afraid that I will curse myself for wishing I was 13 when I was 10 or 25 when I was 16 because I was too quick to wish for “freedom,” when freedom was right in front of me, bundled in my youth but I was too ignorant to see it.

19. I’m afraid that I would wish I was more grateful for the things around me, for the blessings that I never said thank you for, for the little bits of memories and for the laughs that come once in a lifetime.

20. I am afraid that even after all of these fears are openly said, that I’ll still continue to engage in arguments, let opportunities pass by, refuse to see the silver lining, walk away from a good relationship and let even more time pass me by. TC mark

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