1. Try hard – Act like a Debbie Desperado. Actually, consume yourself into the very essence of a desperado. Chase him down, text every ten minutes, leave voicemails. Heck show up on his doorstep if you please!
2. Be a chameleon – Immediately like alternative rock when you see his drum sticks sticking out of his bag and quickly assert yourself as a vegan when you realize he’s an animal lover. Become his clone and assert nothing about yourself.
3. Don’t smile – Think of smiles as creepy things that happy girls do. Be moody and depressed and complain about the world being round or the sky being too blue.
4. Leap at every opportunity for a date – Try to turn every activity into a date or invite yourself everywhere he goes. If he says he’s going to shoot some pool just grab your purse and look up eagerly.
5. Fling the cookie out of the jar – Don’t even make him look for it, just be straight forward, open the jar and give him the cookie on the first night.
6. Say “I don’t know,” a lot – Don’t have an opinion about the movie you’re going to see, the restaurant you’re going to eat at or the bar you’re having drinks at. Keep saying “I don’t know,” and let him make all the decisions.
7. Don’t do the cheque dance – Sip your drink mutely or excuse yourself to the ladies room as soon as the cheque comes. Don’t even flutter your hands even slightly in the direction of the cheque.
8. Invade guy night – When he says he’s going to play some video games with the boys, show up with your house and land at the doorstep. Show no respect to his bromances.
9. Be insecure – Confidence is a thing of the past. Freak out if he looks in the direction of any girl, stares at a playboy magazine for too long or has more than two Facebook friends who are girls.
10. Don’t Listen – Make every conversation about yourself. Don’t even remember his important dates or care what’s on his mind. As soon as he starts talking just bring up something about your life and drown him out completely.
11. Try to change him — Try to change the way he dresses, the way he talks, the way acts around his friends and the habits you don’t like.
12. Cry a lot – Make your eyes an immortal fountain and cry for everything. Cry if the line at the cinema is too long or if the rain is ruining your hair. Cry if he doesn’t call you back immediately and then cry again when he does call you back. Be a drama queen!