Have you ever had an exchange with someone that left you bruised? We’ve all had those moments more than a few times in our life.
It could be a simple, heated exchange with someone you barely know at the grocery store. It could be a good friend being demanding thanks to a bad day at work. It could be when your dog just gets up and walks away after you rubbed and loved the hell out of them for an hour.
Enter your own example here.
Either way, we’ve all had those moments that were just plain unfair.
I have only, truly, really disliked one person in my life. She was purposefully mean for the sake of reaction. She was the very definition of a childhood bully and, honestly, until college I finally learned how to get past her cruelty.
It’s such a loss to reflect how I used to dwell my thoughts on those false, morphed emotions about the way she made me feel–even into my early 20s.
Only recently have I come across the exact caliber a person who reminds me of that childhood bully in terms of how much I dislike them–but in the most opposite of ways.
I’m going to label this individual as a hypocritical victim.
Who or what is an hypocritical victim? An H.V. loves playing the martyr, is completely fake, takes credit for others’ hard-earned work, and–when given the chance to speak–will only discuss what he has done to the point of nausea.
An H.V. makes things sound one of two ways (never both): better or worst than they actually are. Things just can’t be with an H.V. They are overly emotional or dramatic, blow situations out of proportion, and are in denial about everything. Why? Because they cannot face the truth about their selfish side.
You know how you meet someone and they remind you of someone else? Oh, hey: You’re hilarious like my friend Larry!
This particular H.V. is an individual who is unlike anyone I have met in my life. And not in a nice, fun, unique way.
This person is entirely disingenuous and doesn’t even realize so. He comes off as garrulous, confident, and personable; and I’m sure–absolutely positive, actually–that he believes he is charming and well-liked. Sure, the H.V. pulls it off with those who know him less than 24 hours. In fact, they eat that shit up. However, those three adjectives define the entire breadth personality for those who work with him on a daily basis.
This particular H.V., who is a few months shy of 30, has:
- Never had a girlfriend/long-term relationship.
- No real friends. (Remember: Being nice to a co-worker is considered “professional.” Being nice to the H.V. at works constitutes you as one of his best friends.)
- Never fostered a true friend outside of his family.
- Relies on the emotional security of a children’s therapy group that he manages.
That’s right: What scares me most about this hypocritical victim is that he works very closely with children. He works on fostering the social and emotional development of children through a workshop program in Phoenix when he can’t even manage his own emotions and actions. He is, in essence, cultivating his H.V. mentality by applying those tools to impressionable youths.
Remember the movie Saved! when the gay boyfriend goes to that Christian Mercy House because they need to “fix” his homosexuality? Patrick, the dude who loves the girl who naively attempted to “cure” her gay boyfriend by having sex with him, in turn, gets her pregnant, said: “Mary, Mercy House is more for the people who run the house rather for the kids in those facilities.”
That’s exactly how I feel about this particular H.V. He runs these emotional development workshops to empower and strengthen his victimhood.
But, like all experiences, we move on–right? We learn to let go, and it’s only after we do that then something opens up. This person’s insincere actions have been driving me crazy for the past two years, and now that I’m moving on with a new job and I’ve just wanted to let it go by writing his baffling personality out.
Because I’m sure that I’ll encounter more H.V.’s throughout my life. And so will you.
But here’s the real point:
(And the H.V. will like this part.) Unfair happens in life.
(And the H.V. might not love this part.) And instead of griping about it, you need to learn to let things go.