Sometimes people just don’t feel like drinking. This fact is groundbreaking news for many college students.
Yes, drinking is often a wonderful thing. It puts people at ease and facilitates a grand ol’ time. It even lends party goers a loving blanket when the night gets chilly. But not everyone wants to drink themselves into oblivion on Thirsty Thursday or Faded Friday and Sloppy Saturday. So a word to anybody at a party school who plans to go out and avoid drinking for the first time: be prepared for a flurry of confused reactions when you say no thanks to that red cup.
1. Are you Mormon or something?
This person thinks that the only people would ever opt out of drinking are the ones who were born into it—much like not eating peanut butter because of an unfortunate peanut allergy. Discreetly change the topic: “So have you seen The Book of Mormon?”
2. Oh no, are you feeling okay?
This person is sweet. They’re concerned for your well-being and might offer you a seat on the couch. But you will politely decline and suggest that anybody who isn’t feeling well would probably be at home and watching a movie. Or two Nyquil deep, and long gone for the night.
3. Are you dieting?
This person only thinks to ask the question because they’ve got dieting on the mind themselves. Point them in the direction of the Skinnygirl margaritas or teach them how to make a notoriously low calorie drink: the gin and tonic.
4. Still recovering?
This person is the Thirsty Thursday through Sloppy Saturday rager. They’ll be fun to go to Vegas with, but they’ll exhaust you under normal circumstances. Maybe suggest that you two go on a morning hike the next weekend—they deserve to experience the wonders of a productive Sunday.
5. “…….” The blank stare
This person really doesn’t get it. And it’s awkward. They will be relentless in their drink offerings, so grab a red cup and fill it with water—it will make your life easier.