Before you read this entire letter to the female population and think it’s a guy simply ripping on girls because, well, he’s a dude, let’s get one thing straight: I’m a (semi) normal, 21-year old girl. I’m trying to figure out what to do with my life while trying to pay college tuition and rent, just like everyone else. Here’s the thing, though: for the life of me, I cannot understand girls (I can’t understand guys, either, but that’s for another time. Basically, I’m a huge ball of confusion when it comes to social norms.). What I’ve found is this: even though I am a girl, girls truly piss me off more than guys ever will. It honestly seems like there is zero thought process in what girls do, more often than not. Here’s just a few ways in which girls really need to get their acts together.
1. Please, for the love of all things good, stop being dependent on a guy.
Maybe I’m able to say this because I am extremely single (holla), but few thinks irk me more than when I see a friend, co-worker, classmate, etc. become more and more dependent on a guy. Please. Even if you are in a healthy, committed relationship, you still need to be able to fend for yourselves, ladies. Why? Because this isn’t 1952. This is 2014. Times have changed. Shape up. Make the plans that you want, see who you want – the right person will either fit into the picture when they’re supposed to, or they will support you in all of the crazy endeavors that you want to try because you’re still young. Please, please do not hold yourself back for a guy, because if you’ve had the luck that I’ve had, the guy probably won’t be around long anyway.
2. That being said, stop playing mind games with guys also.
I have a lot of guy friends who all come from different backgrounds and are on different paths for their lives. What I’ve found is that they all have at least this one thing in common: they don’t think they can understand girls. To which I always say, I don’t know, I don’t think we’re that hard to understand. Just be, you know, not a jerk, ask how our day is going, ask if we want to hang out. That’s really all it takes, at least for me. So why is it supposedly so hard for guys to understand us, then? Because we make it hard, ladies. If you want to talk, text them. There’s no rule that the guy has to text first. Just do you boo, the rest will fall into place.
3. Please do not pretend to like sports to impress someone.
SERIOUSLY. As a sports fan myself, I cannot tell you the amount of times that I’ve been looked at like I have five eyes when I say I enjoy a good sporting event or that I’ve been challenged about my knowledge of sports (it was Kevin Ware who broke his leg in the 2013 NCAA Tournament, I promise. Someone questioned me.). It’s annoying. What’s worse is this: this stigma that girls don’t know/can’t enjoy sports comes from the fact that women’s team attire tends to be pink with sequins, rhinestones, and sayings like “designated kisser.” Excuse me while I throw up. If you don’t know sports, just be honest. I’m sure the guy would be more than happy to explain the event to you because it makes him feel macho or whatever. Eventually you’ll learn and then you can participate in sports talk. Until then, honesty is appreciated.
4. Eat what you want. Seriously.
Here’s a little secret: that piece of pie, piece of cake, ice cream, whatever (if you’re me, you’ll have a little of all of the above) is not going to make you blow up and gain 10 pounds. I get the whole eating healthy thing, even though I’m terrible at it. But it really isn’t going to kill you to indulge once in a while. Especially on a date, I can speak from past experience (I know, right? I had a date at one point in time), the guy will truly appreciate if you eat what you want. I was on said date at this pizza place he took me to – first date, mind you – and that damn broccoli pizza was so hot, it was falling out of my mouth. I kid you not, the guy looked at me and said, “I’m really glad you’re not a dainty eater.” Seriously. And he meant it. So there you have it, female population: eating healthy is all fine and great (it was broccoli pizza, after all), but please treat yourself once in a blue moon and don’t eat like a rabbit on a date (The pizza man and I dated for about five months).
5. Speak English, please.
It’s painful enough for me, a grammar freak, to read texts with ‘u’ or ‘lol’ in it (especially with smart phones, like hi, it corrects it for you). What’s worse is when girls transfer this laziness into everyday life in the way they speak. “Totes.” Wait, what? Totes? Is there a sale on bags somewhere? I do need one, where can I go? No, I think the word you’re looking for is ‘totally.’ It took years of development for the human race to get where it is. Please don’t ruin it.
6. Use the powerful mind that was given to you.
Each human mind is unique in that it works in a completely different way from everyone else on the planet. You should be using it for all that it’s worth and showing the world exactly what it’s capable of. Do not dumb it down. For whatever reason, girls seem to think it’s adorable to be stupid and moronic around guys, but only the boys will appreciate that because they know they’ll be able to get in your pants. The real men will fall for the intelligent mind. Cliché? Maybe. Even if it is cliché, wouldn’t you want someone who treasures the mind anyway?