1. First date at city’s most expensive/exclusive restaurant = I’m a good provider
Nothing screams insecurity like a man who throws money at the situation. While you may genuinely intend this as a sweet and thoughtful gesture, using the first few dates to flaunt your funds is a quick way to send a girl sprinting out of the ballpark. I had a friend invite a girl for a helicopter ride as a “get to know me” outing…a little excessive and a lot of pressure on both parties. Chances are the girl will appreciate low-key drinks at a dive bar or spur-of-the-moment bleacher seats (can you tell I’m from Chicago?) more than something over-planned and overpriced.
2. “Emoticons are worth 1,000 words.”
Most guys who use emoticons in initial conversations are
flirty funny cute creepy. Typically, the only thing message these send is “I ran out of interesting/thought provoking things to say, so I’ll let this little yellow smiley face do the talking.” Uhh… swing and a miss, buddy.
3. You’re really pretty = I’m pretty lame
Instantly relying on traditional lines and cheap compliments kind of gives off the vibe that you’re A) unoriginal B) desperate. Even if you think a girl is hotter than the Diamondbacks’ stadium in the summer, keep that shit on the DL until at least a couple weeks in. No need to sacrifice your own confidence just to boost mine. Instead, catch me off guard. Throw me a curve ball rather than a compliment and you may just get to home faster.
4. “Your blue eyes are really beautiful…”
…unless they’re BROWN. (Cheers to the poor guy who tried to slip this one by me.) Lame lines are painful as it is, but watching you botch them up/fail miserably is really just unbearable. That’s like walking behind someone who’s pushing the door that’s clearly labeled “PULL.” Sounding smart is essential to picking someone up, so make your opening pitch count. Try a safer line like, “Your face is really pretty” – every girl has a face, right? Even better, just avoid all compliments on her physical appearance until you’ve rounded first base. Then you have some grounds to make your claims (and have hopefully noticed her eye color).
5. You love running/traveling/writing/spending money mercilessly? I’m the exact same way!
If any of this sounds familiar, chances are because you’ve said it about yourself in a job interview or some other contrived situation where you were forced to find a common ground with someone. Relationships (or the beginnings of them) aren’t meant to always be agreeable, and nothing bores me more than dating someone who’s exactly like me. Sure, some common interests/beliefs are necessary, but variety is the spice of
lust life, so play it up. Remember, a successful team is made up of all kinds of players. So whether you’re the coach or the bat boy, your unique skills and interests should offset and complement the others’, not send them out of your league.
And lastly….the quickest way to send yourself back to the bullpen…
6. “You’re not going home with me? But I bought your drinks all night!”
Here’s a little
deductive seductive reasoning: Most girls like drinks, most drinks lead to sex; hence, me buying her drinks will get me sex. Ummm you’re out. If you haven’t realized this rationale is ridiculous by now now just kindly remove yourself from the game completely.