15 Most Productive Things You Can Do When You’re Unemployed

Gilmore Girls
Gilmore Girls 
  • Hide Temptations cat treats all over your house. Let your fat, ginger cat find the treats. Watch her like a spy. Count how many she found out of the 50 you hid. Realize she only found two. Spend a day finding the other 48.
  • Braid your hair into as many little braids as possible. Wander around the house pretending to be Sean Paul. Do things you think Sean Paul would do around his house on his day off. Feel free to use music and wardrobe to help you get in character.
  • Call and text everyone in your phone even if you don’t recognize the number or name. That ‘guy from the bar’ contact should definitely receive a text from you. Keep conversations going with as many people as possible for as long as possible.
  • Do your hair and makeup. Put on an outfit that makes you feel hot and confident. Look at yourself in the mirror and really meaningfully say, “I’d hit that.”
  • Don’t think about your ex boyfriend. Don’t think about your ex boyfriend. Don’t think about your ex boyfriend. DO NOT THINK ABOUT YOUR EX BOYFRIEND!
  • Stare at yourself in the mirror naked. Get to know your body. Stroke your legs from top to bottom to understand their length. Run your hands over the curves of your bum to understand its size. Grab your fat and realize you really should work out.
  • Workout for five minutes. Then stop to look through the fridge. Pick something to eat. Eat it. Feel satisfied.
  • Take your cat outside and watch her explore your backyard. Analyze the way she smells each of the plants and flowers in the garden. Create metaphors between the way she eats the grass then vomits up the grass, and rebirth.
  • Watch full seasons of television shows you’ve always wanted to watch in one sitting. Watch them under your sheets like you’re in a fort. Get to know Lorelei Gilmore and Honey Boo Boo’s way of life.
  • Realize you’re living life vicariously through these characters. Feel okay about that.
  • Drink beer. Drink wine. Drink anything that can make you laugh when you look at your pinky toe wiggle. Because seriously pinky toes are really weird right?
  • Speak in a British accent for a day. Realize that it makes you feel ten times more intelligent. Think of ways you can stay talking in this accent forever. Wonder if it will actually have any real impact on your real IQ.
  • Dance in your room alone. Keep dancing. Dance even harder. Feel liberated. Laugh out loud hysterically that you just danced alone to Miley Cyrus’ Party in the USA’ on repeat for a good half hour.
  • Cry. Just for no reason at all. Cry as if Justin Timberlake wrote ‘Cry Me a River’ personally for you.
  • Feel like you did Justin proud.
  • Get a job, make some money and get your life together.
  • But before you do that write this and send it to Thought Catalog. TC Mark

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