Yellow Fever: Hot Asian Men You Can Date To Be More Like Lorde

Calling all rice queens! (Straight people: do I really need to translate what the term ‘rice queen’ means in the gay lexicon? Come on. It’s 2014.)

So pop singing sensation and “the Kiwi Fiona Apple” Lorde is dating an Asian guy. Which makes it cool now. And I am all about that “new new.” So I’m trying to find me an Asian man to make wifey. But off the top of my head, the only famous Asian man I could think of was the dude who plays Special Agent Dr. George Huang, the resident forensic psychiatrist and criminal profiler on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. And he’s not my type.

So I had to do some research because, let’s face it, Hollywood and Madison Avenue portray Asian men to be about as sexy as wet cardboard boxes. Which, in my absolute authoritative humble opinion, has legitimately influenced the way society psychologically perceives Asian men.

Lorde’s interracial relationship is unique. When an Asian male and a Caucasian female are seen in public holding hands like an ordinary couple minding their own business and strolling down the sidewalk, a car crash at the fault of some incredulous rubber-necking driver usually ensues. You just don’t see it that often!

1. Darren Criss – Actor/Singer

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Helga Esteb /

Fun fact: I went to high school with Glee’s gay-for-pay prodigy Darren Criss. He was a grade below me so I didn’t really know him. (Also, I had practically no friends in high school to begin with. Does this come as a surprise? Don’t answer that.) But I actually gave my stereotypical high school coming out speech in front of his class bonding retreat cohort. Clearly I inspired his career. Another coincidence is that we’re both half-Caucasian and half-Filipino. I’m like the poor man’s version of him! (After he got famous, basic-bitch mothers from our high school kept asking my mom if she knew his mom, because all Filipinos at least know each other if they’re not in fact related.) Anyhooter, Darren is too cute with his handsome face and smoldering gaze. My only complaint is that he seems like such the consummate theater geek that I fear you’d be in the middle of having passionate sex with him and then… voilà! Suddenly out come the jazz hands! And just kills the moment.

2. Mark-Paul Gosselaar – Actor

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Who knew that the blonde all-American, California boy-next-door heartthrob of the 90s (Zack Morris on Saved by the Bell) was part Asian—Dutch-Indonesian to be specific? This one feels like I’m bending the rules a bit because when all is said and done he probably has like 5% Asian blood in his veins if we were to like cotton swab his inner cheek (for which I volunteer) and send it in through one of those pop-up ads on the Internet for checking your ancestral DNA. But who am I kidding, this is Thought Catalog! There are no rules!

3. Daniel Liu – Model

Now here’s an Asian! Mr. Liu has impossibly high cheekbones, plump Cupid’s bow lips, and is 6’3” with the body of an Olympic swimmer—what’s not to love? Certainly the high fashion male modeling world hasn’t found an answer to that question yet as they keep booking Daniel for prestigious runway and editorial work. Asian-American male models achieving such levels of success in the upper echelon of the fashion world are so few and far between that he was even spotlighted and interviewed for NPR’s “The Next Big Thing.”

4. Arjun Rampal – Actor

Holy testosterone! Mr. Arjun Rampal looks a little bit sleazy (i.e. just the way I like them). He is one virile man if I’ve ever seen one. I am a sucker for his stubble and how I imagine it would feel gently grazing against my skin, and Arjun seems to always be donning the perfect five o’clock shadow. (Perhaps my attraction to facial hair is propagated by the fact that my androgynous ass didn’t grow any myself until I was a ripe-old 18 years of age. And before then I only owned a razor to trim the gross single follicle of hair that grows out of the mole on my left cheek.) Anyhooter, back to Arjun and his strong brow, wavy hair, and comely eyes. I certainly wouldn’t mind getting acquainted with his Bollywood.

5. Sanjay Gupta, M.D. – Journalist/Neurosurgeon

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Featureflash /

You probably think I’m kidding, but I’m dead fucking serious. You have no idea how sprung I am over media medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta. So sprung that I sometimes stay up until 5:00 AM on Sunday mornings to watch his show on CNN. His puppy dog eyes, Colgate smile, chestnut skin, and salt-and-pepper hair make him a total DILF. Plus he’s a fucking brain surgeon. So he could probably hook me up with some experimental neurosurgery operations to make my social anxiety less pathological, my table manners less Neanderthal-like, and my intellectual capacity (which is currently on par with Paris Hilton’s) less below average.

6. Dennis Oh – Actor/Model

7. Leonardo Nam – Actor

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8. Daniel Henney – Actor/Model

9. Jung Suk-won – Actor

10. John Cho – Actor

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Helga Esteb /

Oh my Lord(e) are there some sexy Asian men out there!

No, douchebag, you would not be big in Japan. Japan doesn’t want you! TC mark


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