It’s scary how one short encounter can change your whole mindset. Cause you to replay that moment over and over and over again. Cause you so much anxiety. Cause you to become more self-conscious than ever before. Cause you to worry if you had a single hair out of place, to worry if your eye make-up suddenly smudged, to worry if your shirt is awkwardly placed on your body or if you should’ve worn a cuter skirt. Cause you to feel uncomfortable in an outfit you initially felt great in. Cause you to question your self-worth. Cause you to forget how much you have accomplished, how special you are to so many people, how much inspiration you bring to those around you, how much of a difference you are making in this world, how big your dreams are, how close you are to reaching your goals, how big your heart is, how much beauty you hold from within, and how happy you were about two minutes ago. But when you had that two minute encounter with that one person you didn’t want to have to be reminded of… all of the things that make you so wonderful… seems to just vanish. Like a disappearing act. And it’s darn good act. So this is when you wrap it up and call it a night. You pick up what’s left of yourself and go home. There is no way you are going back to your past two minutes ago happy self.
We all have that one person that causes all the above to happen. This is the one person you hope to only run into when you are on your A game. Except, this is the one person you only run into when you least expect to. When you’re caught off guard and so surprised by the interaction that you instantly lose all your abilities to be charming. And then after… you think of all the clever things you could’ve said, all the cute things you could’ve done, all the reasons why you want this extremely good looking asshole to text you later but then all the reasons why even if he did… you won’t text back.
So why? Because I love the chase. Girls love the chase. I enjoy the excitement of potentially running into him and the interaction to potentially putting me in a bad mood. But that potential gives my love life existence.
So why? Because I want him to want me. I don’t even want to date him. I just want him to have a desire for me and for me to just bask in the glory of knowing that this extremely good looking asshole thinks I’m special.
So why? Because I want to be the exception. So his reputation is that he is a player and probably won’t settle down until he is forced to by his grandmother. And that is the exact reason why I want him in my love life. I want to be that girl he would think about settling down for. Even if I don’t want to settle down with him…I like the satisfaction that I’m not just another rule.
So why? Because I want to change him. I want help him be a better person. I want to be that girl that he will not go out and get drunk on a Friday night for. Instead, we will maybe stay in and study together. Then his grades will never have been better. I want to push him towards his goals. I want to be that girl that made him want to be a better person. I want to be that girl that changed him for the better and brought out the best in him.
But none of these reasons matter. He is going to text you after that encounter and you’re going to know better. This isn’t your first rodeo. You’re going to know better not to text him back. Why? Because none of those reasons make for a stable healthy relationship. None of these reasons should be why you want to date a guy. It just makes for an unhealthy project, a project where you try to turn some extremely good looking asshole into Mr. Right. However, Mr. Right is right from the start. Mr. Right won’t ever cause you to question your self-worth. Mr. Right won’t care if your eye make-up is smudged or that you have a little cowlick sticking out of your head. And Mr. Right will celebrate your accomplishments, remind you how inspiring you are, support all your dreams, fill your big heart with more love, recognize your inner beauty, and keep you at that happy place you were two minutes ago.