Any nervous flyer knows the progression of descending panic: bile, sweaty palms, social awkwardness and self-induced sedation, among others.
There’s a particularly comical and scarily relatable scene in Bridesmaids where Kristen Wiig’s character’s fear of flying gets the best of her. A combination of popping pills and slurping a drink lands her…right in the hands of airport security. While this might seem like a stretch, sometimes this seems, in a perverted way, the preferred way to travel: obliviously obliterated.
Traveling and exploring is well worth the uncomfortable feeling of a lack of control, but that doesn’t make the trip there any more enjoyable. For those unable to calm down and on high alert while flying, here are five things that we can all relate to:
A good weather report
If you are a true nervous traveler, you check the radar map prior to boarding the plane. There is no greater reassurance of a manageable flight like a clear radar map, none of those green and darker green splotches covering the globe. Even worse, the scrolling alerts at the top of the screen. If it’s clear, have no fear.
Not being able to sleep
It’s almost like a method of torture. Everyone else seems to peacefully doze off, mouth open and all, but for us nervous flyers, this is virtually impossible. Is that the hum of the engines or something else? Did the captain just say something over the loud speaker? Someone has got to be attentive and prepared. I mean, how else would the plane remain in flight?
Turning off the fasten seat belt
This is always a good sign because, for the foreseeable future, there is no expected turbulence, and all nervous flyers know that turbulence is the fifth circle in hell.
Scoping out the others on the plane
We all know that person who is somehow able to turn a flight into a blind date, collecting phone numbers and Facebook friends from across the country. Not us. Like other nervous flyers, we are not checking you out. We are merely figuring out whose strength would most swiftly open the emergency exit.
Flight attendants with alcohol
The drink cart: pure bliss. If there’s one thing that can take our minds off just how high up we are, it is a nice, smooth glass of red wine, especially if that glass of wine is compliments of the flight attendant. Can’t take too many measures not to scare the other passengers.
In all honesty, flying is the safest way to travel, and there are numerous articles supporting the durability of planes. Sometimes it’s just hard to remember those things when you’re viewing the ground from 30,000-plus feet off the ground. Sigh.