When I was young, I had an idea of who my perfect man was going to be. You were to be an open-minded family man who won’t cheat on me, aimed for a long-term relationship, geeks out on nerdy pleasures, be my gaming buddy, shares my love of history, treat me like a lady, and won’t get scared off by phone calls or texts. I found you, dated you for a few weeks, and called it quits after four dates. You’re probably thinking, “But it was so perfect. We were kindred spirits! Why do my texts go unanswered? It seemed so right!” I’ll tell you why:
- You showed me baby pictures of yourself on our first date. First dates are supposed to be about gauging each other’s basic interests, not sharing intensely personal photos from your childhood (although I would’ve loved to see them if we were in a committed relationship). It felt weird to have to show up to the second date with my own baby pictures, but at least I tried to reciprocate?
- You told me your parents were divorced and that your dad tried to commit suicide. Again, this is too much for the first date. I have major daddy issues I won’t talk about for the first few months. Plus, you just reminded me of my parents’ recent divorce. Had we known each other longer, I would’ve loved to air out my daddy issues to someone who’ll listen.
- You texted me back too fast and too much throughout the day. Even after you said goodnight. When I said I didn’t mind you texting every now and then, I meant that I enjoyed texts every now and then. Not a barrage of random texts about minute details about you doing your laundry, what you ate for dinner, or how you feel when you’re under your covers.
- You were visiting my country and moved here after two days of meeting me. If your plan to move was solely because of me, don’t let me know about it until MUCH later on. The idea that a guy I just met moving to be with me tells me you’re impulsive and clingy.
- You ask questions to which Google knows the answers to.
- You asked me to help you find an apartment in a city you’ve already visited. You asked me where to buy nice clothes and groceries when you’ve backpacked around the city. You asked me to help decide if you should Netflix, work on your website, or have dinner. I am not your mother. I did all those things by myself without asking for help from anyone.
- You asked me to help you find a job. If we had been in a serious relationship and you were laid off, I’d understand and I’ll help you. But we’ve only known each other for a few weeks. I am not ready to help you look for a job when I told you I’m quitting my job in search of a better one.
- You talked about starting a family on the third date. I don’t even know if we were going to get past second base, and you’re already talking about starting a family?
- You told me you had a girlfriend in Turkey. You dated a Chinese girl when you lived in China. It just looks like you’re looking for a relationship of convenience in each country you go to. I won’t be someone else’s bump along the road.
- When we first kissed, you didn’t even bother with my lips but just stuck your tongue in my mouth… It’s too early for that. I love kissing, but I felt nothing when I kissed you. That kiss turned me off sexually. That’s strange, considering I’m a red-blooded female who loves sex.
I stopped dating you for those reasons. I can’t be in a relationship with clingy men. I used to be a clingy girl, got my heart shattered, and went through emotional hell after my first love dumped me for getting possessive. I know how it feels like to be clingy. I’ve done a complete 180 to ensure my happiness does not revolve around another human being. After three years of focusing on myself, I’m nonchalant. I’m the opposite of you. I’m glad we didn’t start a relationship because you would’ve been devastated if I broke up with you. I know how that feels, and I never want another person to go through it because of me. You are hung up over me not sharing my travel plans with you. This is even after I respectfully and sweetly told you to start seeing other girls.
You deserve someone who truly loves you for who you are. Please don’t think I’m a cold person. If you feel hurt by unanswered texts and messages, imagine how you’ll feel if we fought over issues that actually mattered.
After meeting you, I realized I enjoyed short-term hookups more than the prospect of a long-term relationship with someone I’m not into. You helped me to decide to shelve relationship plans and settle for drama-free meaningless sex.