Sometimes it’s meant to be. You’re so sure it is. You can feel it in your bones. It comes to you as naturally as breathing does. You smile at an old post-it note sticking to your wardrobe, you hum songs you didn’t realize you knew, films and songs suddenly make so much more sense, a random sign on the side of the street has a memory attached to it.
No, you’re not crazy, you’re in love.
And it’s a love that consumes you. They are that person your friends warn you about. They are so wrong for you, and yet so right. The attraction is strong and powerful. You don’t know that you’re slipping into something you will not be able to get yourself out of. You tell yourself that it will be different. That you know yourself well enough to not make the mistakes often made. And yet here you are.
You’ve decided you’re going to take it slow, each day as it comes. You’re smart enough to not rush into something you will later regret. You still hold your ego and pride above anything else. You’re an independent, confident, and bold person. You’re ambitious, practical and very rational. And still, you choose them. They’re a player. They are reckless, aimless, and spontaneous. They are everything you are not. They have this charm you just cannot resist. It’s not your fault, it’s just something you couldn’t have controlled. You wonder sometimes as to why you’re with them, when the only thing you have in common is your attraction. But you instantly brush away that thought telling yourself that opposites do attract, and that’s all there is to it.
Everything is so perfect as days turn into weeks and weeks into months. They make you want to live life on the edge. You’re falling in love with the thrill you feel when they are with you. You love the danger and the mystery. You’ve let your rationality and practicality take a backseat in your life. You’ve let them get to a place you shouldn’t have. You’ve let them see your weakest spots. You’re vulnerable and open to be poked at. But that doesn’t bother you anymore.
Until it does. Until it all comes crashing down on you when you least expect it. You beg them to fight for you but they walk away, because, after all, if you have to beg, will it ever be heartfelt?
Deep down, you feel like it’s your fault. That you let them in with the blink of an eye. That you fell in love with the idea of having them in your life. I want to tell you to be optimistic, but it is futile. For a while, you will grieve. Because they’re gone and aren’t coming back. Not because they didn’t love you, no. They did love you and that scared them. It’s human nature to panic when you’re not in your comfort zone. They wanted to be better for you but lost sight of themselves somewhere in between.
I know you’re going to be alright. Eventually. I’m not going to give you any advice because you need to find that confidence you had to handle this yourself. Maybe you will meet them again someday but you won’t want any answers anymore. You will come to realize that you don’t pine for them anymore. You’re stronger now, and that’s how you should always be.