I Know You Have A Girlfriend, And I Don’t Know How To Confront You

We should work.  We get along like best friends and wow – the chemistry!  You think I’m funny – I think you’re funny! You think my clumsiness is cute.  I love how you can call me ‘baby’ and make it sound genuine and not at all cheesy.  We can’t get enough of each other. For the first time, I think this could be “it”.  Being with you makes me feel like every broken heart and every last tear I’ve shed over assholes would be worth it.

You moved here two months ago.  I was the first girl you took out.  I explained what I’ve been through.  You held and comforted me as I told you the two most important relationships in my life could have come from a horror movie.  You said you were different.  You seemed so genuine.  As someone who considers herself a good judge of character and an even better judge of douchebags, I really thought you were one of the good ones.  And I still hope you.

It all started with a pink toothbrush sitting next to yours. Once I finally slept with you, this was the last thing I wanted to see.  My first of many excuses for you: Maybe it’s his mom’s?  Then the texts with the same girl’s name.  You’d give me more compliments to distract me as I stared down at your phone.  She’s just be a friend! Then, we became Facebook friends.  I decided to look up her name, thinking I’d find nothing.  I was wrong.  All of those pictures of you two together.  That bachelor party you had to fly to? She visited you. And Thanksgiving? She was with your family.  Yikes.

I tried to give you an out.  I told you how dishonesty was a dealbreaker for me.  I asked you about your past AGAIN to see if you’d fess up.  But nothing…I figured that we hadn’t been serious long and maybe you’d ended things with her or were going to when you went home for the holidays.  Once again, I gave you an excuse, he’s a stand up guy! He hasn’t seen her since we started dating regularly and he probably just doesn’t want to end things via text or phone.

You moved your trip to see your family just to be my date to a party.  We had the best time.  We took a picture that you loved – you told me you wanted me to send it to you right away.  I put it on Facebook – IMMEDIATELY untagged.  That’s odd, but maybe he doesn’t think he looks good after looking at it again… I deleted the photo to make you comfortable.  Christmas came…you seemed to disappear.  Rather than replying immediately like you always had, I’d get a text twelve hours later and always with an excuse and an apology: “Sorry! Long day with the family,” or “Sorry! Lost my phone.”  My gut tells me she was with you.  And New Years Eve was the worst: her Instagram recapping the year saying you were “wonderful” and highlighting a photo of the two of you on her collage.  You liked that photo and another one of her.  All while telling me how excited you are to see me when you come back from your business trip… which leads to my next question: are you really going on a business trip? Oh, and your online dating profiles? They’re still up.

I hate the anxiety.  I hate not being able to trust you when I so badly want to. I want to pretend it’s in my head.  I think something must be wrong with her if you’re on a dating website.  She doesn’t live here…you could have stayed where she was instead of making the journey up here.  You had a job offer there too.  This is your new home.  I want to be your future.  But you have to end it with her.  I won’t be the other woman.  I won’t be played this time.

How can I confront you?  What can I say? “I stalked your ex and saw this.”  Seems pretty crazy when you haven’t even told me her name.  After thinking about this nonstop over the holidays, I’ve decided what I’m gonna do.  When you come home, I won’t say anything, but I’m giving you two weeks to end it with her.  Otherwise, I’ll have to put it on my big girl pants and come clean.  I don’t know how to do that without sounding absolutely crazy.  Please pick the former.  Please be a good, stand up guy.  Please be the man I’ve been falling for until I learned about all this. Please make me feel I’m crazy for thinking anything else. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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