I miss you but I’ve never met you
Turns out when you get to know the “real” side of a person, it’s easy to fall in love. You’d be surprised what a person will tell you if they think they have no intention of ever meeting you. I know this because I told him all of my secrets, too. I never lied to him. I never made my life seem like anything other than what it was. I was only 11 when we started talking after all (way to go AOL parental controls?).
At first we spoke only through instant messenger (RIP). As we aged we had endless phone conversations – the kind where your mom would yell at you to go to bed because it was 9pm on a school night, but we would whisper hoping our moms wouldn’t hear us. Back then it was “luv”.
Our relationship was always a few months on a few months off. He had his life. I had mine. In high school and college, he had his girlfriends – I had my boyfriends. We had our video chats, still. It was never a catfish situation.
This month, we finally decided we were old enough and had enough money to book plane tickets and meet for real. He swore he loved me, always did, always will. I believed him. New years eve, I’d fly to his hometown, we’d have an amazing time together, it would be the final step in realizing we were meant for each other.
He called the trip off before I booked my flight. He said his mom wasn’t thrilled with the idea. Maybe that’s true. Maybe HE wasn’t thrilled.
I’ve never felt more distant from the boy I once felt closest to. Maybe I should call Nev. Or maybe I should sign off and finally say goodbye. I guess that’s the hardest part – letting go of my best friend of 13 years.
How can someone I never knew be such a huge part of my life?