1. We don’t really want to shop with you, pal.
Don’t take this the wrong way – we love shopping, just not at places where we have to mull about in the bag and shoe aisle for an hour waiting for you regular-sized gals to decide between a pair of hot pants or skinnies. We’re not really that interested in the bags and shoes. We want to shop too – just at our own plus-size stores.
Being dragged by a pal into stores like Topshop or H&M is like salting a wound. You know it’s going to hurt to look through the racks and see nothing above a UK 14/16. But you do it anyway because you don’t want your unassuming pal to know that you can’t fit into anything in the store.
2. We don’t want to be patronized.
“Bubz, I really can’t get clothes at Topshop,” you’ll say after your friend tries to drag you in for the tenth time during the Christmas sale.
And she’ll be all, “Nonsense. You’re what, a 14? They’ll have something for you.”
No. They wouldn’t. But that’s because you’re a size 20, not a 14.
3. Shorts as a Nemesis.
It’s sometimes quite hard to look chic in the summer without wearing shorts. But for some of us big babes, we literally cannot do shorts. As a fashion enthusiast, I’ve tried looking for plus-size models who model shorts perfectly…But I could find none of them in a size bigger than a UK 14. Why is that? Let us explore…
- Shorts ride up. Oh, it’s not a problem for you, UK 14 “plus-size” model, but for all the ladies who don’t have a thigh gap, we’d have to stop every five minutes to pull the bloody things back down.
- Friction Damage. Like every other body part in close proximity to another, our thighs chafe. A lot. Especially in shorts. For us ladies who have been experiencing this chafing for a number of years, we tend to bear some light (or heavy) scarring in that general area. And we prefer not to show off these scars on the beach around prospective wet dream material.
- The Catch. Ever notice that your plus-size pals wear long tees over their shorts? It’s not a fashion statement, it’s a necessity – a necessity to cover up The Catch.
See, most shorts weren’t really designed with a plus-size woman in mind. They’re just made for an average woman but enlarged to fit a size 20. That means that there isn’t room for any ample tum or booty. This results in what I like to call The Catch. The material of the shorts awkwardly tries to accommodate our size, resulting in a very obvious and very embarrassing V shape on the front of the shorts itself. It’s not that the shorts is tight. In fact, there could be ample room at the waist or thighs but the way in which most shorts are cut is very, very unflattering for the plus-size body.
Hence, we invest in long tees and pray for the summer to pass without much shorts weather.
4. Would you like to get on top?
No. Absolutely not. Every big girl has a phobia of killing her partner whilst on top. It’s not a joke – people tend to lose control in bed, don’t they? We’ve seen/heard of bucking, scratching, biting, choking, screaming… How about just slamming down on your partner too hard and breaking a bone/penis? It’s a legitimate fear, really.
So, if you’re dating a plus-size girl, please note. Do NOT say you’re up for it unless you’re able-bodied enough to deal with the consequences. Seriously.
Try doggie instead. That’s fun for everyone.
5. Making love isn’t as simple as you may think.
A friend of mine gave my partner and I a copy of the Karma Sutra for Christmas. We decided to give it a try one day but it took us an hour to find a position we both agreed would work.
See, with a big babe, you have to deal with all the extra baggage – literally. In some angles, the train simply wouldn’t reach the tunnel. So you’ll need to experiment with your partner to figure out what works for both of you.
6. Don’t pester us to exercise.
Seriously. Don’t. We may not be fit but we will sit on you.
7. We’re happy.
It may be hard for a fitness junkie to understand but most big girls (like me) are happy. We’ve come to terms with our weight. We’re healthy, we eat sensibly and our partners love us with that extra bit of jiggle anyway. With all the body-shaming and image consciousness that’s out there in the world, being comfortable with who you are is key.