60 Wonderful Things For 90s Kids To Rejoice Over

Doug- Season 1 (3 Disc Set)
Doug- Season 1 (3 Disc Set)

Here is a list of all things 90s and wonderful. If you really did grow up in the 90s, you grew up in the age of the computer and have most likely developed an internet-surfing addicting in which you convince yourself is healthy because you are “learning” something in the process.  We all know surfing the web is not learning. So here is a lengthy list that will teach you nothing but will contribute to your time-wasting addiction. You’re welcome.

1. Homeward Bound. That Sassy was a bitch. I would have ditched her early on.

2. Goosebumps. Lets be honest, you went back and read every path.

3. Animaniacs.

4. Pound puppies.

5. BOP magazine –Might as well have been called “Hey kid, steer clear of people like this.”

6. Reading Rainbow. Whatever, you watched it.

7. Fruit-scented pencils.

8. Rainbow Bright -Makes for a slutty Halloween costume today. Ask my sister.

9. Saved by the Bell. Listen Zach, you can do better than that twat waffle, Kelly. I mean, she still lives at her parent’s house. I got a job AND a car.

10. Lisa Frank. Well, this bitch was certainly trippin on shrooms and acid while trying to be scholastic. A for effort.

11. The Sandlot and Little Rascals.

12. Mortal Kombat on Sega. Obviously, Mr. Lightening Eyes was boss.

13. Tether ball. Not a short-kid sport. Let me tell you.

14. Four square. Ok, I just wasn’t an athletic child.

15. Pogs. Now this I was good at. Collecting.

16. Polly Pockets. They were so much better than Barbie.

17. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Regardless of the character, Carlton was getting laid with that sweater vest.

18. Johnny Depp and Winona Rider — basically everything I ever wanted.

19. Recess. The Ashleys, the new kid, the teachers lounge, big brother Chad, the Kindergarteners.  Classic.

20. Doug. Geez man, grow a pair.

21. Cindy Crawford. We were basically best friends. At one point, I told my friends she was my aunt and later, I changed my name to Cindy.

22. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. It was all about the green one: the “bad” boy with long hair. Stupid girl.

23. Collectible cereal box 90210 character cards. No one ever wanted Steve Sanders, better known as Ian Ziering or the loser from Beverly Hills, even if it meant having a complete collection.

24. Paper fortunetellers. Thank god for these, otherwise I would have not known I was going to live in a Lego castle and marry Jonathon Taylor Thomas when I grow up.

25. Nirvana. Cheers to you for introducing me to grunge and writing lyrics worth listening to.

26. Mmmbop. Fuck you, Hanson. I will never get this song out of my head.

27. Warheads and Ring pops. Yeah the candy was great, but it was so much when a boy gave you his last warhead. It only happened once. Ok fine, he didn’t know I took it but whatever.

28. Squeezits — the cocaine for children.

29. Bugs Bunny. We were going to get married.

30. Spice Girls. “I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahh,” has meaning and horrible music video flashbacks only a 90’s child would have.

31. N*SYNC vs. Backstreet Boys. God, Justin got out just-in time. Ha! Shut up. My friends think I’m funny. No they don’t.

32. Jumanji.

33. Tamagotchi, gigpaet or nano baby. If you had one, it died.

34. Cassette tapes.

35. Britney spears. Britney, you will always be my Marilyn Monroe.

36. Yogi Bear. If Tracy Morgan were a bear….

37. Pink Panther. That theme song is the only song my car knows.

38. Destiny’s child. Specifically Bills, Bills, Bills, Survivor, Bug-A-Boo, and Say My Name.

39. Twister. Or hello kids, lets up that sex-drive at age 10.

40. Bill Nye. You know this guy had issues.

41. Tetris. Ok, this may have been released in 1984, but c’mon guys, I had better things to do when I was two. But at seven, I was feeling it.

42. Jelly sandals.

43. Gushers.

44. Uncle Jesse. Talk about false advertising — none of my uncles looked like Uncle Jesse.

45. The Land Before Time.

46. Easy Bake Oven. All my friends had this. I never understood its appeal. And the clean up? Forget it.

47. 3D View Finder. Fuck yes. Take me away.

48. Disney.

49. Home telephones. With cords. Such savages.

50. The Magic School Bus.

51. The Big Comfy Couch. Seriously, who is THAT flexible? Molly clearly had a side job.

52. Thumblina.

53. Ferngully.

54. Stick-on earrings. I don’t know what happen to these, but I’d still be sporting them.

55. TY Beanie Babies. And then the off-brand that my parents bought for us.

56. Glow in the dark ceiling stars.

57. Overalls. If you’re still wearing overalls, your either from Oklahoma or a slutty chick who thinks she’s sly.

58. Stussy –for when you got tired of drawing hearts on your homework.

59. Beanbag chairs.

60. Will & Grace. It taught me to never invest in a water bra and that marrying rich will never go out of style.

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