My Mother Called Me A “Homo”

I was introduced to the internet when I was 15, most of the younger generations in my state were. I was born in an under developed country where corruption is at max. I live in a small terrorist filled state and the masses still regard homosexuality as a crime. Gay marriage is a far cry here. It’s a farfetched dream for me and many others like me.

Gender education and laws are far lacking behind. As a country we are still stuck at feminism, trying to make it as effective as possible. Is it working? I do not know. Growing up, I was also an effeminate child. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a tiger and 10 being a flamingo, I was a 26.

I knew I was gay pretty much the time when I came out form my mother’s womb. Yes, I went through it, the bullying in high school, made fun of at family dinner parties; everything that a normal teenage gay kid would go through. As I got older I got better at pretending. I found my ways to pretend in front of the boys at school and at home. I had to reduce to “sissy” for them to think the “Homo” was reduced. Now I am, let’s say a 6.5 because my voice is still feminine.

Life indeed would have been so much easier if I could have masked it all. On Halloween night, I was having a heated argument with my mother about me quitting my master’s degree and doing something else, something not academics.  Although in this very small town, a government job seems to be the only decent option I have to make a proper living.

One thing led to another that night and she told me “If you are not going to do your masters what are going to do? Pretend to be a homo for the rest of your life.” saying this she went to the other room and I was silent. Homo is a derogatory world in India, at least in the small town I live currently, as the term “Queer” was in the early 80’s in America. After a few minutes of silence I actually wished I told her “I don’t pretend to be a homo, I am homo.”

I wish I could explain to her, my mother who turned 54, about gender and sexual minorities. I wish I could sit with her and explain how and why gender is a social construct. I would love to read her all the hybrid works of feminism and LGBTI studies by Judith Butler and others introducing her to Queer theories. I wish I could make her listen the song “SAME LOVE” and make the lyrics clear “I can’t change, even if I wanted to.”

I wish I could make her watch Ellen.

I wish the gender equality movement in the USA were as strong in my country, in my hometown.

You know, I was really happy she called me a homo that day. I was happy she brought up the topic, for better or for worst.  I pray she questions me about homosexuality the next time we have an argument.

I still do not know how I am going to start this, but I feel she has the right to be educated regardless of her dogmatic, ethical, social beliefs. In fact everyone has the right to be educated.