My Boyfriend Said He Could Fix Me

Three out of five boyfriends had told me they could fix me. Five out of five had attempted to mold me into their criteria by using expressions such as “You should cut your hair like this.” (Sends picture of his female best friend) or “Why would you wear slacks? That’s weird. You’re supposed to wear skirts.” He then brings in another female to prove that she wears skirts; therefore, I should wear skirts because that’s normal versus a woman wearing slacks. The other female along with her boyfriend immediately defended me. This article focuses on two obstacles a woman face, but both points provided below apply to both genders.

One of the most difficult obstacles I face as a woman is realizing that it is not okay that I try to fit any guy’s criteria of what a woman should be. You know, short hair or long hair, wear dresses and skirts only for professionalism–never slacks, a particular range of voices etc. These things are preferences, and they are dumb preferences. When I buy my burger, I just care about the buns, meat, and cheese inside, not the wrapper.

Another obstacle I face as a woman is how men perceive a woman–in the sense that he strongly believes he can “fix” her. I, as a young lady, will learn to handle my emotions. I learn, and I, fix myself. I fix myself, and I decide to be happy in my body, and personality, both that I also learn to embrace willingly.

A woman does not need a man to “fix” her by molding her into somebody she is not. She does not need a man to push her at a pace not of her own. A woman, like a man, only needs comfort, and to be there while she goes through her pain and suffering. A woman doesn’t jump into a man’s business and take ownership of his problems. Instead, a woman recognizes and stands by a man, nurtures him to grow into the man he works toward. A woman does not coddle a man and raise a man to become her man–he is no longer a dependent child and does not need to be told what to do.

What gives a man the logic to tell a woman what to do and how to behave properly? *scoffing*

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

– Anaïs Nin