3 Rules For Not Settling

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We all do it, but we should really stop… Now. We settle for guys that we know are not right for us and at the end of the day we end up dissatisfied with our significant other. Just listen to what your friends say the next time you have a “girl talk.” I’ve heard (and said) the most ridiculous things during girl talk from “He doesn’t like the fact that I go to church” to “I don’t even like him, but at least he’s nice to me” to “He has no ambition, and I would almost feel embarrassed introducing him to my parents.” Girls are constantly settling and complaining about the guys they have settled for. Yet, it is time we learn from all the fellas out there because guess what? Yup that’s right, guys almost never settle for less than their Perfect 10. Guys realize when they can do better, and when a girl just is not meeting their standards they know when to call it quits.

Bottom Line: Act like a guy and don’t settle for less than your Perfect 10 (which, keep in mind, is different for everyone!).

You may now be asking: “Ok so how do I establish what my Perfect 10 is and how do I find him???”

Rule #1: Stop looking.

Just stop it. Chances are your perfect guy just does not exist at this stage in your life. Think of it this way, you have not “peaked” yet and neither have most of the guys around you (plus, peaking in your early 20s is not really a good thing anyways). Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and there are great young couples out there who have found their 10 at a young age, and that is great! But that is just not the reality for most of us. Chances are you are not going to find your 10 until you are a post grad (or professionally established) so stop trying so hard to find him now. I promise he is not hiding from you. He just does not exist in your world right now. Also, ask yourself if you are ready to get married tomorrow… No? Then you are probably not ready to find Mr. Right tomorrow either. Just believe in fate and that the right man will mysteriously land in your lap when conditions are right and you’re ready for something serious.

Rule #2: Figure out your “Must-Haves” and your “Preferences” and DO NOT confuse the two.

Figure out what is very, very important to you. Is it family, intelligence, humor, ambition, faith? All of the above? Once, you figure out what is important, put it on your “Must-Have” list, and then you can figure out what you want on your “Preferences” list. Here is an example of the difference between the two:

Must-Have: He must have a close relationship with his family and have good family values.
Preference: I’d like him to have brown eyes.

See the difference? Must-Haves are things that absolutely never change because they are extremely important. Preferences are fluid and can change from time to time based mostly on trial and error. By trial and error I mean dating. Dating is great because it teaches you what you do and do not want in a significant other. Just do not let a crappy date turn into a crappy relationship and realize that a good date does not always need to turn into a relationship. Also, never forget that your Perfect 10 will have all the Must-Haves on your list but may or may not have the Preferences. The problems arise when you either allow your Must-Haves to change OR when you mistakenly think your Preferences are things you have got to have.

Rule #3: Don’t try to be someone else’s Perfect 10.

I know it sounds cliché, but just be yourself and the best version of yourself that you can be. Let us say that you think you have found your Perfect 10, but you just so happen to not be his Perfect 10. Yes it sucks and it hurts and it makes you feel inadequate, but these feelings are normal. Everything is going to be ok! Chalk it up as a learning experience, grow from it, and move on. Chances are you won’t even remember this guy’s name in ten years. The worst thing you can do it try to force it or try to mold yourself into what you think he wants. If you pretend to be someone you’re not, then he WILL find out eventually that this is not the real you. How will he know? Because you will be totally miserable pretending to be someone else. So, just be totally and unapologetically yourself because to someone out there, YOU are the Perfect 10, and he will cherish you because of it. TC Mark

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