There aren’t words left to say except that it’s over. It’s really over.
People often tell me these things happen for a reason. Reasons I may not understand now, but I will eventually. It’s been a year and I don’t quite see the reason still. In fact I think I’m now only coming to terms with the fact that it really is over. A year later he finally tells you that you and he can’t be together because the problem is he’s not in love with you. He tells you this a year later when he conveniently moved across the country and now settling into his new life.
I suppose when you spend the last four years of your life with someone who you think could be the one you don’t think of it ever ending. You don’t think that one day they will just say it’s over and that is it. You spend years building each other up talking about the typical relationship things and ideals. You consider what it be like if you and him get married and have kids. Ideals and dreams- but they all seemed so real to grasp that ending what you have with that someone was never part of the deal.
For the past year I have moved to a new city, new job, and I suppose a new life all together. But the repercussions of this relationship still haunt me. The break-up happened a year ago and it has taken a lot on me. Yesterday he texted me that he’s not in love with me and that was the problem. That is the reason why he and I can’t be together.
Like any emotional person I replayed in my head over and over what the past year has been like. For the first two months after the break-up we had no form of communication with one another. We saw each other here and there because of mutual friends. Then by the third month or so it became a cycle – We would talk, hook-up, and talk. There I was thinking it would be different – hell I suppose if you’re in love with someone and they tell you they wish the situation was different you’d think they mean it right?
I’m not blaming it all on him – relationships are a two-way street. I’ve had my fair share of moments. But damn I thought he loved me and that he was in love with me. That’s why even though we were over, it wasn’t really over. He would talk to me of how in our mutual group of friends I would be the one he would want to visit him most especially. Once he moved he would ask when I would visit and make-up plans. But of course like the cycle- after not even a month the texts and calls slowly started to lessen. Then he finally told me what I wish I should have known (THERE ARE SIGNS- THEY ARE MEANT TO HEL YOU) – he told me he’s not in love with me- that is the problem.
I guess I should have seen it coming like the time we were arguing and he said that if him and I broke up he wouldn’t be as torn up or heartbroken about it like he was with his ex. Or the times I hinted I wanted that damn blue box but he never got around to it. He said it was because he saw what kind of joy it meant to a girl to get that little blue box from Tiffany’s. He never got it for me because he got his ex – the one before me that blue box who broke him. I should have known right? Why would someone who loves you now not want you to have that joy?
The problem with that is why couldn’t he just tell me that a year ago or the moment he knew? He said he’s been torn up about it all. He even told that he will always love and care about me. I’ve read these messages a million times but they all seem meaningless. All I see is and understand is he’s not in love with me and that it’s really over.