Halloween is just around the corner and you know what that means: costumes! If you’re below the age of 14 and hear the word halloween costume you think, “Hmmm, what can I be to get the most candy?” But when you’re above the age of 14 and you hear the word halloween costume you think, “Hmmm, what can I be to get the most ass?” For ladies, these means pushing all of the fat on your body up to your boobs, and for guys, this means put on whatever it takes to make ladies touch near your penis. Thanks to Victoria’s Secret/NASA it is not hard to push up your boob; but it is hard to think of ways to make ladies touch near your penis.
Below are some suggestions that you can use to have the best halloween ever:
1. Fasten to yourself a television with the channel set to either C-Span or the half hour long Proactive ad. Place the remote to the television over your penis so if ladies become tired of Congress or black heads and want to change the channel they have to touch near your penis.
2. Dress up as an out-of-control train, run into ladies, and destroy everything in the facility you are in. Put the train’s kill switch over your penis, so if the ladies want you to stop destroying everything in the facility, they will have to touch near your penis.
3. Attach oxygen tanks to your abdomen, hook up a respirator to the tanks and place the face mask over your penis. Light a large fire in whatever facility you are in. When the fire has collapsed all the building’s exits thusly trapping you and the ladies in the building. Once the fire has burned all the oxygen in the space, offer the guests oxygen from you tanks and if they want to live they will have to touch near your penis.
4. Cover your whole body, except for the area around your penis, with penises. Then cover the entirety of whatever facility you are in with penises. That way when people are trying their hardest not to touch a penis by placing their hand in the only place that is not covered with penises, they will have to touch near your penis.
5. Dress up as a sexual harasser and put a can of mace over your penis. When you begin to frighten ladies by making them believe they are about to get harassed, they will spray you with the mace and in an intense moment of irony will have to touch near your penis.
6. Dress up as a bomber, except wear an actual bomb over your penis. Tell all the ladies that you have an actual bomb strapped to you that will go off in 15 minutes. As the ladies frantically try to disarm the bomb to save their lives they will have to touch near your penis.
7. Dress up as a patient and go to a clinic. Ask for a lady doctor then tell her you have blood in your semen and she will have to touch near your penis.