1. Wearing NORTHFACE.
2. Calling home only to ask mom and dad for money.
3. Sending their professors an email addressed to “Hey”? Do we look like we toiled through graduate school to receive emails addressed to “Hey”? If you do this you can guarantee your professor WILL (anonymously) post your email on their Facebook and all of their professor friends will collectively roll their eyes at you.
4. Providing too much detail about your personal life in an email as an excuse not to come to class/turn in an assignment/be late. This is what’s key, though: it’s not just about divulging too much detail, because professors should be interested in their students. It’s when a student rolls up 20 minutes before class and sends an email that’s all, “Hey, um, I can’t come to class today because I just broke up with my boyfriend and I’m crying.” That’s v sad 4 u:( but I’m still going to mark you absent and take points off :( :( :(
5. Not doing the reading. This is the absolute worst. You’re forgetting, though, that all of your professors were undergraduates once who didn’t do the reading either. You’re not fooling anybody. WE KNOW.
6. Signing up for credit cards.
7. Being on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/texting during class. WHY? They’re your tuition dollars so w/e.
8. Pretending to be straight to fit in with your bros.
9. Starting papers with: “In today’s society…/Since the beginning of time…/Man has always…/Throughout history…”
10. Having a fear of getting a B. It is not the end of the world!
11. Spelling or grammatical mistakes in the FIRST sentence of a paper you just turned in. Come ON.
12. Turning in papers that are not formatted as follows: 12 point font, Times New Roman, 1 inch margins. Anything else is not real.
13. Addressing your professor as Mr. or Mrs? AUTOMATIC F.
14. Being in a long distance relationship with your boy/girlfriend from back home.
15. Bragging about where else you got in to school/that you only came here because blah blah blah. Also? Wearing t-shirts/sweatshirts from other, better colleges where you are not currently enrolled.
16. Drinking more than you can handle. Folding in to peer pressure.
17. Being that one person in an assigned group work project who never does shit.
18. Writing professors/TAs you see on Grindr. At least wait until you aren’t in their class anymore.
19. Thinking you’re going to coast through a course because you belong to the same social/ethnic/etc group as the professor. No dice!
20. Waiting until things are growing before doing your laundry.
21. Storing cereal bowls with cereal in them/bongs/jizz socks/etc. under the bed in your dorm.
22. Majoring in business without sampling other courses and programs on campus.
23. TURNING IN A PAPER WITHOUT STAPLING IT!!!!