When this article came up on my Facebook feed this morning, I laughed at the title. I thought it was going to be a satire, or a feminist critique of something — nope. It was literally a woman who is going to marry some guy because he makes a lot of money and she, being what we can only assume is a shitty artist, isn’t making any herself. As I read, I felt this indescribable sensation rise up in me. It wasn’t rage, it wasn’t indignation, it was offense at being thought of as more naive than I am.
You see, I am a guy who has a wife who needs me for my money. I’m not “that old,” only starting my 30s, and given my attractiveness/income/social status, I could definitely hold out for something else if I wanted to. But I got married at the ripe old age of 28, settling down into a life that some of my more hard-partying friends would look at as boring. She is a very nice woman, and isn’t too much of anything. She’s smart but not so smart that it becomes conniving, gentle but not matronly, organized but not one of those henpeckers who follows you around until you put your socks in the laundry basket. And, as if I even need to say it, she is gorgeous. She’s a petite, toned brunette with perky boobs and a nice butt and wonderful taste in clothes. Everything I buy for her, she looks good in. Whenever we go somewhere, my friends are jealous of me. It’s a boost of confidence that I don’t really need, but which is always nice to have.
I laughed out loud when I read that the author of that article was a few years younger than her fiancé and met him fresh out of college. It’s also unspoken but completely obvious in the article that she is a good-looking woman, and being the combination of 22, stupid, and really beautiful is the kind of thing that any buttoned-up guy with a high pressure job is going to thoroughly appreciate. Because, and I would bet money on this if someone was willing to start a pool with me, he is marrying her for reasons other than love, too. I mean, you can tell when someone doesn’t love you. The guy might not be the smartest in the world, but he’s certainly capable of telling when the spark has gone out and someone is just going through the motions — we all are. Hell, when we’re really in love, even the slightest suspicion that your partner’s interest is waning will drive you absolutely insane. The guy is likely like many guys in his case, an overworked businessman who is looking for a convenient scenario.
There is a reason guys who work all the time are with women who need their money. With our money, we purchase the beautiful wife that fulfills that area of our life, and they get to have all of the things and the comfort that they couldn’t provide on their own. It’s not new, it’s not shocking, and there’s nothing immoral about it. People look for relationships that fill their needs, and a man who works 60 hours a week isn’t going to want a financially independent ball-buster who is going to be just as constantly stressed as he is. You know what the best part of my day is? Coming home to a dinner that my wife has prepared that afternoon and having her talk about the little bullshit errands she ran. It’s the most relaxing, reliable part of my life, and to watch a beautiful woman take care of me in exchange for me taking care of her is something better than fighting to make something work because it’s “passionate love.”
Chances are, she probably does love her fiancé, just like I love my life. It’s just a different kind of love, the kind you might not easily recognize. It’s an agreement, and it’s allowing the other person to be the yin to your yang because you know that you are not in the position to have any other kind of relationship. My wife could have a lot of other guys, and I could have a lot of other women. She could probably find some other six-figure salary that lets her teach yoga four times a week and consider that her career, but she chose mine. I could probably find some other woman to cook me dinner and look amazing in yoga pants, but I chose her. And even if it’s not romantic, I assure you that it is what a lot of marriages are made of.