Let’s first address what it means, exactly, to be a misogynist. Judging by the internet, it feels safe to say that just about everyone who doesn’t live and die by the latest Jezebel post has some deep-seated problem with women. I think I’m a misogynist — even by more lenient standards — because I believe that men and women both have distinct, yet equally important, roles and talents in life that are not simply going to go away just because we majored in Gender Studies. It doesn’t upset me if a woman is aggressive, or has a career, or enjoys typically ‘masculine’ interests. But if she rejects what it means to be a woman (the compassion, the maternal instinct, the softness), then I am not interested in getting to know her. And that’s fine, we live in a world with plenty of choices. No one has to love anyone else. But I have been dragged into countless arguments with women who are hellbent on convincing me that my preference for a certain kind of women makes me bigoted.
Why fight it, really? If they want to think of me that way, I’ll take it. It doesn’t effect my life in any way.
The thing is, I love women. I always have. I don’t know what the current definition of a ‘ladies’ man’ is, but from a very young age, I have always been interested in charming and keeping the company of women. I love the way they laugh, the way they are different from me, and the way they make life just that much more worth living. I have lived through the tough breakups and disappointments that everyone has, but I’ve never let it dissuade me from having relationships and staying on the dating scene. When I became financially independent and settled enough in my schedule that I could make real time for my love life, it only got better. Even though some would consider my standards for what a modern woman should be “unfair,” I’ve never had trouble meeting women who were interested in meeting those standards.
In fact, I would say that women are more attracted to me than to the men who attempt to always agree and placate them. The “male feminists,” the “progressives,” the “nice guys,” they’re all the kind of personality type that women say they want and then immediately leave for the first guy who really challenges her. And I am by no means an asshole about it — I treat my girlfriends with respect, and believe deeply in chivalry and being a gentleman. It’s simply that my life is too short to waste any time on a woman who doesn’t hold an appreciation for what a man is and should be. While there’s nothing wrong with a highly sensitive man in theory, it seems obvious to me that it’s not the kind of thing many women want in a long-term relationship. It’s unattractive because it is weak, and presents no yin to the yang of femininity.
Women are drawn, above all, to the fact that I am a man in the way they have grown up learning a man should be. I am not some cliche from the 60s, but I stand my ground, I know how to fix things, and I don’t get bogged down in petty arguments and gossip. I have clear-cut roles and lifestyles in my head, and I’m going forward with them whether the woman is in agreement or not. If she doesn’t want the same things as me, I will find someone who does, no harm done. And it is probably this which is a rare quality — the confidence and conviction to do the things that I want to without worrying about how I will be perceived or whether or not I am falling into some politically-correct definition of ‘compassionate manhood.’
In the end, I will find the woman who is right for me, I’m sure of that. She will feel safe, protected, and with a sense of clear purpose and direction in her life. She will be the woman who wants the same thing as me (hell, my current girlfriend fits this description to a T, but it’s too early to tell if we will get married). I wish all of you the best of luck in your personal lives, and all I suggest is that you stop caring if anyone else thinks your choices are outdated. It’s better to be happy than perfect.