On a career
1. “You can’t find a real job? Have you looked? Does your employer know you have a degree?”
Wasn’t on my resume, but thanks for that advice.
2. “Are you sure you want to take out that much for school loans? Can’t someone else pay for it?”
Is that an offer? I’d be happy to take you up on that.
3. “Well when I was your age, I did …”
You’re not my age right now. And I guarantee you times are much different than they were 40 years ago when you were my age.
On free time
4. “You can’t baby/dog/cat/house/plant sit this weekend or season?!”
I’d be happy to just sit. No thanks.
5. “You’re probably not busy early Saturday morning- can you help me _____?”
I’m sorry, but I already made plans to not help you. I don’t get up before 11.
On family life
6. “You think you’re tired now, wait till you have kids!!”
That doesn’t make me any less tired, thanks.
7. “Is he/she the one?”
I don’t know, is he? I’ve been waiting for someone with your insight to tell me if I’m making the right choice.
8. “You don’t want to buy a house? Or a car? You know you unmarried kids are part of the reason for the recession, right?”
Doesn’t the house come free with the kids and the marriage? I thought it was a package deal…
On social expectations
9. “What do you mean you can’t fly out here for my engagement party? Or gender-reveal party? Does that mean you won’t be sending gifts for those parties either?”
No, I only budgeted for the wedding/wedding gifts/outfits/drinks/cards and presents for your kids for the rest of eternity.
10. “You slept in till 11?? I wish I could do that! Don’t you have things to do?”
Plenty of things- cover up my degree, ask someone to pay for grad school, babysit your house, buy gender-neutral baby presents, and contribute to the recession. Wait — I already did those things — this is why I’m so tired.