Ever since I was a little kid, I have made serious efforts to being liked in spite of my looks. As a chubby girl who has nothing to do with the present aesthetic standards, I have learned to be liked for my brains. I am always nice, polite and I try very hard to be as smart as I can. And as expected, none of these qualities have led me to meet any potential significant others.
I have had some sex, of course, after all, there are desperate men around who just want to stick their dicks into someone. But I have never met someone who was willing to love a chubby girl. I have met one guy who made my life a living hell after he left, leaving me as the fat girl who can’t deal with breakup. But yeah, he liked me for my brains and that’s why he left, he could do better than me, as he did.
The most frustrating thing about being liked for your brains is that you get great friends who enjoy your company. Well, that’s not frustrating, you might say, after all friends are always good. Yet again, I know any of them is never going to make moves on me, because they find me unattractive. Best case scenario: we get drunk and they pull my hair back while I puke. Because I don’t look as good as everyone expects me to, but I overcome my looks with my brains, so people will care for me, but that’s it. No second intentions.
That’s not actually what I want right now. I’m in my 20s. I want to have lots of sweet meaningful sex instead of a series of frenetic movements that lead to others’ orgasm. I don’t want people to look up to me because they think I’m smart. I want them to look at me and see me as a gorgeous woman susceptible of a nice stable relationship. I wanna be beautiful.