I don’t love him anymore, but I still don’t think I’m “over” my ex. There was something about our relationship that still feels like he was the one. I hadn’t loved anyone that way before him and I don’t think I can again.
I’m in a relationship now that I don’t think will ever be as emotionally fulfilling as that one was. The really fucked up part is that I think I knew from the beginning that we wouldn’t actually end up together. The entire 3 years we knew each other; the 8 months we dated, were all painful to me because I felt an end. I knew he would break my heart and I think that’s part of what drew me to him so strongly.
He cheated on me, and I had to find out on my own. I broke up with him, because even though I have 0% self confidence and I deserved to have my heart torn out, I still have some self respect and I don’t take that shit. Two years later, he begged me to come back to him. That was my closure. I refused and we said goodbye for good, which broke my heart again in a way.
The entire time we were together felt like the ending of “City of Angels” over and over and it made my love for him stronger. There was something about the pain I liked. Maybe I’m a masochist. Maybe I just really loved him and it was worth it.
I feel really badly. Because I love my boyfriend now. He treats me better than anyone ever has and I see a future with him. But I think I might be lying when I tell him he is the love of my life… Because I think I lost the love of my life 2 1/2 years ago.