Getting this of my chest.
I met a guy online on Okcupid last year. I made a dating profile & pretended to be older than I was. I met this really cute guy on there and we started talking online and over text. He was handsome and a licensed attorney and seemed to have his shit together. I liked his twisted sense of humor and the fact that an adult male was taking me seriously. We eventually met up in person and that’s when he found out the truth.
Like he knew I was young because I couldn’t get into a bar, but later that night I confessed to him how old I really was. He was surprised I guess, but we went on with the date as normal. But that night he told me nothing could happen between us and that he didn’t think it would be a good idea if we continued talking.
So over the next few weeks I start texting him testing the waters etc And we start texting, back and forth. I try to hint around about us doing something and he eventually agreed to yes, but that we couldn’t go out anywhere but that we could hang out at his place.
Also over the texts I flirted with him & told him how I’d never done anything with a guy. He only ever texted me one dirty thing, which was, “I’m very interested in your vagina.” Up until that point he would tell me about sexual encounters with girls he would meet but that was the first time that he ever talked about me and him doing anything.
So a few nights later we meet up and we go to his place and we ended up having sex. which ended up ruinig the relationship. We had sex a few times after that but then he stopped answering my texts and would say that he was “busy” with work. I started acting too cutesy over text and calling him too much & he made it clear he wanted me to stop. The worst was when I stopped by one night really late and his ex-girlfriend was there (they share an apartment even though they’ve broken up- he is waiting for the lease to go up to move out). He was pissed and told me that he wasn’t interested and that I needed to stay away.
But I got desperate and texted him again a whole bunch two days after that. That morning I sent him tons of texts asking him why he changed his mind and how come we can’t date. He texted back later that night & said a bunch of mean shit to me and said that we were never dating and that we were never going to date. I then told him I was upset and asked to call him but he said, “Call the Boys Town National Hotline. I don’t give a shit.”
That’s when the stalking began. I started following him everywhere, from bars, to work, to the subway, though I would have to hide. I even went to his ex girlfriends parents house and spied on them to see if he were there or see if they would mention him. He’s a law clerk and I would go to his job every single day. I’m still doing it, though I hang out on lower levels of the building so he doesn’t run into me.
I’ve done sooo much fucked up shit. I stole one of his schnauzers for several days, and I kept one but gave back the other. I call him from a blocked number almost everyday just to hear his voice. I’ve gotten into his apartment a few times. I’ve also done something else recently but I won’t say it here…. I guess I’m just getting worse.
The thing is that I can’t fucking stop, you know? Like he is literally all I think about. I’m just obsessed with him. I refresh his okc page constantly, I’ve stalked him and followed him around the city. I Have called up his friends and I’ve done all kinds of horrible, intruding things. I honestly don’t mean to, but I’m just in love with him and he’s all I think about.
I’m in foster care and when I turn 18 in Nov I’m getting kicked out officially (aged out of the system). My foster parents have already let me know that but I’m not taking any steps to prepare for that… like I haven’t tried to get a job or find a place to stay. I just don’t have a plan. I even stopped going to school and I didn’t go to summer school :/ which means I didn’t graduate. I try to care about it but this guy has taken over all parts of my brain & I just can’t think about anything else. I’m doing horrible things and I can’t stop. I just miss having his love and attention. I miss texting him. But he just refuses to talk to me.
The most recent thing I did was slash his friend’s tires. I don’t know why I’m doing any of this. >.<