I would like to start off by saying that I am not promoting cheating, nor am I proud to have been a home wrecker. I do not condone my own actions, nor wish the hurt of being cheated on by a loved one upon anyone. This is an ode to the guys who, I felt, made me do it, and an encouragement for women to steer away from cheaters.
The second guy I ever had sex with had a girlfriend at the time. Halfway through our “ugly bumping” session I started to feel guilty and insisted we stopped, and we did. How would I have felt if I was his girlfriend? He and I had been talking online for what seemed like forever, and our mutual friend finally connected us. But the timing was bad. “We’ve always said that once we finally meet up we’ll have sex,” he said. And because I enjoyed getting what I want and seizing once in a lifetime opportunities, I initially agreed.
Since then I have had many hook ups, brief relationships, and flings, almost none of which were healthy. There was always hurt involved and I never truly was able to find or receive what I wanted. Many times I fell for the guy, and few times those feelings were returned. After that first guy, I made out, fooled around and had sex with five other guys who were in relationships at the time. Several of these have been some of my best, most amazing hook ups.
I finally realized why. I was never the one getting hurt in these relationships. I wasn’t the one who was saying, “I love you,” with silence as the response. I wasn’t the one being played. I was the player, he was the game, and the girlfriend was a pawn that was rarely mentioned or spoken about. Going into each of these hook ups I knew the guy was taken, and that was appealing to me. I couldn’t and didn’t get attached. I didn’t get mad if a text wasn’t returned. The guy was in control of where and when we’d hook up, and I would abide by their rules. In the end I didn’t feel like the bad guy and I never got hurt.
I always said to myself, “I would hook up with a guy who cheats on his girlfriend but I would NEVER date one and I would certainly never cheat.” I have now been in a loving, committed relationship for almost a year. His ex-girlfriend cheated on him and as I look back I regret what I did with those six guys and what I did to those six girls. Though I am a fervent believer in “once a cheater, always a cheater” and I am definitely not the first or last girl these guys have cheated with, I still look back and regret being a possible contributing factor to another girl’s devastation and hurt. I wish these girls well, and hope they can find true love with an honest man.