I Haven’t Been Attracted To Most Of The Women I’ve Had Sex With

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27/M here. I was a late bloomer. I didn’t lose my virginity, or even have a first kiss or any dates, until I was 20. The reasons are fairly standard: too many video games, not enough sports or social skills. Also acne and being very very thin. This caused me to become very depressed. I realized my lack of experience was caused by 2 things: not trying at all, and having too high standards.

So, in addition to seeking therapy, I took steps to change my situation. I created and OKCupid account, read up on PUA material, took accutane to get rid of the acne. More recently I’ve started working out, eating healthy, and dressing better.

This lead to me getting dates. Only a few at first, then more and more. The problem is I wasn’t physically attracted to most of these girls. Most of them were very overweight, not just curvy. The girl I lost my v-card to was an obese redneck. I know I know, I’m being shallow, but I can’t help what I’m attracted and not attracted to. I dated and had sex with them regardless. I rationalized this by telling myself I didn’t want to be shallow, and wanted to experience new things, that their personalities mattered more (and many of these girls did have amazing personalities). But the truth is I was desperate. I was convinced truly good looking girls wouldn’t be interested in me. I guess I was trying “easy mode”

The end result is my friends think I have a thing for bigger girls. When the truth is more like bigger girls have a thing for me.

I live in NYC. It’s frustrating being constantly surrounded by gorgeous women I don’t have the confidence to talk to. It’s even more frustrating now that I’m putting effort into my body and appearance, but the girls I date don’t. I’ve had successful relationships, and some damn good sex. But what I want is someone HOT. A girl other guys ogle. A girl that makes me go “oh DAMN” when she gets naked. A girl who won’t make me feel awkwardly nervous when she mentions wanting to buy sexy lingerie.

Maye I’m being too greedy. Maybe my depression simply won’t let me be happy with what I’ve accomplished. Maybe I’ve just seen too much porn/TV and my standards are too high. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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