I (I’m a guy, by the way) lived with my mother until I was 4 years old. She and my father were divorced. When I moved in with my father, he was living with his parents, so I’ve lived with them for 14 years. They’ve acted more as parents to me than my actual parents (I’m not on good terms with either of my biological parents).
I don’t remember much from before I moved in with my grandparents. I remember a couple of apartments, my mother shouting very angrily at her mother (who I looked up to and liked a lot) one time (not a very happy memory), and that’s about it. I remember a few faces of my mom’s friends and boyfriends and the like.
There’s a good friend of my Mom’s, Andrew (not real name) whom I’ve known since as long as I can remember. He’s right around 55 I’d say at a guess, so it’s not like I know the guy well or anything but he always seemed like a pretty chill guy to be around. He’s been sick recently with something serious, I don’t remember what.
Well, my grandparents and I were talking today about just random things, and we got on the subject, somehow, of whether I remembered anything before I moved or not. I said no, just a couple apartment-stills , as I call them (which are like, single, portrait-like memories. For example, I remember exactly what I saw in one apartment and that’s it). One of them asked if I remembered Andrew. (Forgot to mention: my grandparents hate everything about my mom’s side of the family, or almost, anyways. That includes her friends and such) I said, ‘Andrew Reems? Yeah. What about him?’ ‘No, do you remember him at all before you moved in with us?’ ‘I think a little bit.’ ‘Oh. Okay. That’s good–he was not a good influence on you.’ (just trailed off and didn’t say anything else about it)
Everyone else I’ve asked about him from that time has said nothing. Literally, like, I’d ask what they remember about him, just out of curiosity, and they’d say ‘nothing’, really defensively. My brother said something some years ago that kind of hints at something like that now that I think about it.. I don’t have anything solid but a lot of stuff points to it. I also don’t want to pursue this a whole lot in case I’m wrong (I’d look like a huge fool), but if it did happen, I think I should know about it… Maybe I shouldn’t? Does that ever work? Like, pretending the possibility didn’t exist and trying to go on ignoring that?
I’ve had social anxiety my whole life and for the longest time I’ve been really, well, afraid to talk to people I don’t know really well.. supposedly this stuff is a possible result of something like this? I don’t know..
I’m really confused, and I don’t know what I should think or do or how I should feel about this or anything