When we met we immediately clicked. Not just over television shows or the latest trends, but over our outlook on life, books and politics. I hadn’t connected with anyone before in an instant. I remember one of our “dates” if you want to call it that. I met up with you at a restaurant in Soho and was taken back by your beauty. I don’t know if I subconsciously saw you in that way before and it has just arisen or it happened at that instant. I think deep down I always felt something for you and it just resurfaced at that moment.
Your white and green sundress fit perfectly on your curves while bringing out your strikingly pretty brown eyes. Your curly dark brown hair flowed perfectly over your shoulders and I just remember feeling like having a schoolgirl crush feeling in my stomach. I remember feeling flustered for a second before you turned around to wave at me. I tried to hide how was feeling. I tried to hide the fact that my stomach was in knots, tightening as you walked even closer to me. I tried to hide the fact that I was slowly falling for you. You told me that you can read people really well but could you read how I was feeling at that moment? For that moment was just the beginning.
What made it even worse was the way you smelt that night; A mixture of tangerine and lilac flowers. We sat down and ate dinner just like normal friends do that night. We talked about our day, families, hopes and dreams. Later on we decided to order some drinks since we fortunately came during happy hour. This is fun I thought. Two girlfriends having a good time and starting the weekend off right. I tried not to give it a second thought or look too deeply into it. As we started to drink more I started to worry more and more about you finding out how I really felt about you. I could feel my inhibitions getting lower and lower as I looked deep into your eyes.
A band came in that night as the music started playing. I remember when a song you liked began to play and you grabbing my hand in excitement over the song. As that happened it was like electricity went all throughout my body. You looked back and smiled at me and at that moment I knew that you had caught me. I didn’t know what to say or do but I continued to play it off and dance in my seat to the music, secretly hoping you didn’t know. Afterwards we went back to your place. You live alone and were closer to the city. I was getting very sleepy and didn’t want to overstay my welcome.
“Well, I think I’m going to head on home. I had fun tonight.” I stood there awkwardly with my heart pounding, and feeling like it was going to come out of my chest. I had to get out of there quickly. All I wanted to do was kiss you and the alcohol that was still in me wasn’t helping.
“Are you sure? It’s kind of late.” Kind of late. Yes it is but I can’t stay, I won’t stay. I have to leave now. A lump in my throat began to swell up making it difficult for me to speak. I could just get a cab or something.
“Trust me it’s fine. I can just cab it. Thanks again I had a really good time,” I said casually. You stood there looking slightly disappointed and I couldn’t tell if it was because you didn’t want your friend out in the streets or if you wanted me to stay for another reason. You got up and walked closer to me and I could feel the temperature in my body skyrocketing. I could see you just wanted to give me a hug before I left.
I reached out to give you a hug and from this point on everything happened so fast. The aroma in your perfume sent chills through my spine, as you got closer. This isn’t happening I thought. As you went to hug me goodbye, our lips touched and at that moment I felt like fainting on the spot. So many different sensations were going throughout my body. From disbelief, to euphoria to lust. You didn’t stop; we didn’t stop or even breathe to have an awkward moment.
I kept kissing you as we led ourselves to the bedroom. You got on top of me, glowing and looking as beautiful as ever and could tell I was nervous as you slipped my shirt off and kissed me on my neck and went lower. I wish that I could go back to that moment of ecstasy and cherish it because little did I know that it would be temporary. The next day we parted ways. We woke up next to each other, and clothes completely off. I got dressed and went to my apartment and we acted as if it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. I texted you when I got home to let you know I made it and you responded with a smiley face.
A few days passed and I didn’t hear from you. I texted you to see how you were doing but there was no response. Two weeks passed without hearing your voice or seeing your words. I then got the courage to send you a long text trying to figure out if everything was okay and that what happened the other night was just a one time thing and that I didn’t want us to be weird about it. I waited all day for your response but there was nothing. Out of curiosity I checked your Facebook page and found out you had gotten into a relationship during the span of time we hadn’t seen each other. You were back with the ex you told me about.
I remember at the moment not knowing how to feel. Was it something I said? Did I do something wrong? If you had told me you felt weird and was thinking about going back to your ex-boyfriend I would have understood. I don’t know if that night was just a hook up for you or not but when we did, it felt like it was more. Maybe I’m overthinking and maybe it just was a hook up to you. However, I don’t hate you to this day and I’m grateful I had something like that happen to me. We won’t ever be anything and that’s fine but what I miss the most is our friendship and what we shared. If you ever read this, just know that I want the best for you and if it’s meant for us to meet again in the future, I won’t make it awkward or weird but embrace what we had prior. If only.