1. You automatically hate everything about Harvard. Why? Because Harvard SUCKS.
2. When you are faced with someone else who also went to Yale you immediately ask which college they were in. When you are hooking up with someone on a Saturday night, say from Grindr or Manhunt, you ask which entryway.
3. You know what it means to get a campus wide email from Cheif Perrotti.
4. You went to a naked party and, really, it wasn’t even that big a deal.
5. You never, ever get sick of the view in Beinecke Plaza.
6. When someone asks where you went to school you sometimes just say “in Connecticut” and leave it at that. Y-bombing isn’t always appropriate because people instantly think you’re bragging and start saying silly stuff like, “Oh, I went to Chapstick State. I’m not as smart as you!” It’s not a competition.
7. If you are a gay, you remember that Gotham Citi was a HOT mess — like literally sometimes you burned up in there — but you went anyway because…yeah.
8. You’ve been completely wasted at Toad’s, even though Box 63 is obviously the new Toad’s.
9. People still tell you that New Haven isn’t “safe” or that Yale is in “the ghetto,” which is ridiculous and also kind of racist. They’re just saying that because New Haven has a huge black and latino population. Translation: brown people = scary!
10. You love the “flower lady” and you used to buy flowers from her, sometimes having conversations with her about stuff. She always asks you when you’re going to graduate. “Alright girlfriend, hello!”
11. You used to see a very homeless looking James Franco at the Starbucks on Chapel and High Street. But like, whatever tho. (But OMG tho!)
12. When you take Metro North into “the City” (New York), which you have a very close relationship with, you know to get into the first car because that means you’ll be the first to get out. And that’s key, especially during rush hour!
13. And speaking of “the city,” when you’ve gone out in New York on the weekend more than once you had to make that difficult decision to either A) leave the bar/club early and take the last train back to New Haven, which is annoying because it makes EVERY STOP. Or B) to stay out until 5 a.m. and take the first train back to the Have. Decisions, decisions!
14. Now we have Bass Library, a gorgeous palace of knowledge with wood paneling, atriums and flat screen televisions, but you remember Bass when it was CCL — Cross Campus Library. White walls and grey carpet and unflattering fluorescent lights!
15. You remember when Blue State was Koffee was Publick Cup. Also, you maybe used to call Publick the PUBIC Cup as a joke?
16. Whenever someone comes to visit you definitely take them to Claire’s for the awesome Lithuanian Coffee Cake.
17. You can’t believe there’s an Apple Store on campus now. It is so weird, right?
18. Your late night eating habits included Ivy Noodle (Teriyaki Chicken Bowl 4 Lyfe!!!), a slice at A1 or perhaps a nice sandwich or buffet item from GHeav.
19. The following equation makes perfect sense to you: 1 in 4 maybe more. 1 in 3 maybe me. 1 in 2 maybe you.
20. You know what a “buttery” is.
21. Ever year you complain about Spring Fling — except this year though, because Macklemore was there.
22. TWO WEEK SPRING BREAK.
23. If you have ever used the acronym “HYP” to indicate Harvard, Yale or Princeton.
24. Your dorms are basically castles — unless you got thrown in Swing Space.
25. Someone has ever warned you not to walk to Shaw’s at night. That or the even more sinister, “don’t go past Popeye’s.”
26. And speaking of Popeye’s, home of the greatest chicken on earth, you’ve seen people at Popeye’s in their gym clothes because the gym is like right across the street. Counter productive much?
27. You were sad when Cutler’s music closed.
28. You wouldn’t trade “shopping period” for the world, even if it is kind of an administrative nightmare and you spent a lot of time sending emails and writing essays/filling out applications for seminars you desperately wanted to take.
29. Who has better pizza, Sally’s or Pepe’s? I put my money on BAR.
30. You had a crush on your Teaching Fellow and maybe you slept with her or him (oops).
31. You know that George Damania, one of the security guards at Bass or sometimes SML, is one of New Haven’s FIERCEST drag queens.
32. There’s nothing better than tea, cookies, and conversation at the Elizabethan Club.
33. You know that Master Holloway is the hottest of all the Masters and that Master T is the awesomeist.
34. You once had a fuck buddy who lived on Lynwood, Edgewood, or Dwight Street.
35. You used to go to Modern Love. Don’t really remember much else.
36. You love energy drinks and sometimes brag about how much coffee you drink!
37. You didn’t feel so bad/embarrassed when you went to Mental Health because like errrrbody was up in there.
38. A calendar of naked Yale crew dudes is God’s greatest gift to society.
39. Everyone you knew was doing like 5,000 amazing things and still appearing relatively composed.
40. You remember when the health center was called the Department of University Health, which of course spells DUH.
41. Every day you realize how lucky you are to be a student there. And no matter when you graduated, you still have an inexplicable love and pride for your alma matter. That’s why you chose Yale!