Lets Talk About Virginity

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They tell us sex is everything. It’s penultimate. It’s love. It’s the biggest culmination of emotion and physical awakening.

They tell us sex is sacred. Save it. Give it to someone special. Wait for love. Wait for him. Wait for her. Wait.

What the hell are we supposed to do with that. As girls we’re given this virginity present. And we’re supposed to carefully choose who gets to open it. Our delicate little gift that needs protecting.

If life were a movie I would’ve lost my virginity on a hammock under the stars to a boy with innocent eyes and a first boyfriend title.

But life is messy. And I waited.

Until one night I drank a little too much, wore a little too little, and laughed a little too loud.

If he had asked I would’ve said no. But he didn’t ask.

And afterwards I cried. I couldn’t stop crying. I cried in the arms of my friends and I couldn’t tell you where or why the tears came.

I had a new label. I could no longer call myself a virgin and that scared the hell out of me.

Since that one boy there have been lots of boys. And here’s what I’ve learned.

Sex is not everything. Sex is not nothing. Sex is sex.

And as with everything in life– it is what you make it and who you make it with. TC Mark

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    Reblogged this on thoughtlesswhisper and commented:
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    Reblogged this on natashatbaker and commented:
    The simplicity of this declaration about sex and virginity is what makes it profound. It reminds me of an article I recently read about a federal judge who ruled that the morning-after pill should be available to all ages over the counter (instead of requiring a prescription for girls 16 and younger): http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/06/health/judge-orders-fda-to-make-morning-after-pill-available-over-the-counter-for-all-ages.html?hp&_r=0. Reality is messy; it is not prestine and planned for. People make mistakes. In 2011, when Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius overruled a recommendation by the Food and Drug Administration to make the morning-after pill available for all ages without a prescription, my guess is that she was responding to criticism from religious conversatives who don’t like the idea of teenagers having sex – much less them having the option to take what they consider to be an “abortion pill” (though it’s not). But the truth is, they will anyway. So wouldn´t the best public policy decision be to offer them a safe way out (a morning-after pill rather than an undesired pregnancy), accompanied by better sexual education so that everyone is aware of what their options are – and the consequences of those options? It reminds me of a conversation I had with a Catholic priest, who was a representative of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops. I asked him why the Catholic Church was against contraception when it was proven to prevent life-threatening diseases such as HIV/AIDS, as well as prevent undesired pregnancies, so that people would not be bringing children into this world whom they did not have the means (financial, emotional or otherwise) to provide for. He responded by talking about the Catholic Church´s ideals, and how ideally everyone waited until they got married to have sex and sex is for procreation. So, if you have sex purely for pleasure and use some type of contraception that would prevent conception, then you are denying God´s gift, because every child is a gift from God. Are you still following me here? The point is: that´s fine, you can believe in your ideal world, but the world isn´t like that. And your stance is leading to very anti-life realities, in terms of not only how many people die or have compromised quality of life because of HIV/AIDS, but also how many children are growing up in subpar conditions because their parents were not prepared to have them? Public policy is not religious policy. Public policy in the United States recognizes that people are free to make their own choices and that you are never going to be able to fully regulate a bedroom issue such as sex (though religious conservatives will die trying). The best option is to one, face reality, and two, do as much as you can to give people safe options to minimize the potential damage caused by their decisions. You may not like that other people engage in behaviors that you wouldn´t, but that´s just life. If we want to be truly pro-life, then we´ve got to get over our obsession with promoting a one-size-fits-all policy of abstinence and focus more on providing comprehensive sexual education and safe options when reality inevitably gets messy.

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