In September I experienced a break up with someone who I thought I would be with forever. IN FACT, on the very same day we broke up, 90% of our guest list received invitations to our wedding. On breakup day 2 I wrote a tumblr post that is the emotional equivalent to a cup of my tears. 150 days later I reviewed and commented.
As you will see I was a mess. Through the clean up process I learned alot about myself and came out the other side in a much better place than I’ve ever been previously. For all those going through a tough break-up, I send you my well wishes. May you take advantage of each of your 150 days (or however long it takes), it’ll be over before you know it.
Read on readers.
I only have 25 years of life to go on, but I submit that being dumped by someone you love and trust deeply is one of the worst human experiences. It feels as though someone has passed away, except it’s by choice. Lingering charges on your joint checking account, pictures showing up in your newsfeed (or worse, pictures of them smiling on your newsfeed). The nuisance of their continuing existence will send pangs of pain directly to your heart without any warning. The moments of “oh” don’t slowly build, rather like a spider they surprise attack and bring you to the bottom in one second.
I smiled/laughed reading this. First, spiders creep up on you, Jessica. That’s what makes them scary. You’re missing the point of spiders. I think you mean atom bombs. Those are very surprising and also scary. Second, sucks about the joint checking account, but that was stupid of you to begin with. There’s never any reason for one human to join checking accounts with another human. Third, in the name of all that is good in the world, stop Facebooking.
I am dreading this break up existence. I’ve been through this song and dance before, I hate waking up and everything is fine until you remember “oh yeah… this is still happening”. I know I will get through this, I know I will cry and cry, but years from now this will be a distant memory. I know this tunnel has a light at the end. But I just don’t feel like going through the tunnel.
The Lincoln tunnel?
I feel like calling you, because I love you. I feel like calling and telling you how my day was. I want to call and say today I went out with the girls and it was fun except I cried in front of them which was awkward but I cry all the time now. And I want to hear about his day, were you sad? What did you have to eat today?
You have been reduced to a pudding puddle of emotion, reading this part actually still bums me out a little. It’s the void a break-up leaves that drives couples who aren’t the best for one another to get back together. I’m thankful for my friends who went the extra mile to fill the void- allowing me to drone on and sob while repeatedly watching the episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel break up. If you’re currently in a relationship and have been ignoring/ditching your friends- stop it. You’re being the worst.
Also, can we talk about how I actually wrote that I want to hear about what he ate? For the record his nutrients are, and have always been, his own business. Personally, I recall eating ~37 pizza rolls and a bowl of Cinnamon Crunch that night, then going to bed and waking up at 3:30 am with digestion sweats.
Getting dumped though, is not like breaking up with someone. They do not want to hear from you. You are suddenly and without warning ejected from the safe relationship cocoon. “I love you more than anything” and “50 days til the wedding!” and “Lets name our first daughter Zooey” …. and then that’s it. All I want to do is talk to you because I love you more than anyone, but you are holding that knife of indifference. I run right into it, face first.
You do not want to name your first daughter Zooey. I like New Girl as much as every other person in America, but if you’re choosing a Fox character for your daughter to emulate, let it be Mindy. Also, I see what you’re saying, but there were never any knives in your face. That would have necessitated an immediate court order. That whole sentence is a very disturbing/violent mental image.
I still have that gray nail polish on that you said you liked last week. It’s all chipped now, but I remember I responded to you with, “you like it? I might wear it for the wedding.” You said you thought that would be pretty. I just can’t bring myself to take it off. Is it ironic that it’s gray, I feel gray.
I was not drunk during the writing of the above. I’ve since changed my nail polish countless times and right now I’m wearing a one that changes colors in the sun. Is it ironic that it changes colors like the sun, I feel like I’m on the sun.
Everything feels like it’s lost meaning, even laughing over coffee felt like those little moments were building into a real life. Our life. I didn’t realize I had lost so much of myself when I was with you until you were gone. Now each moment is me growing into myself and my real live future ahead, and that is why I’m eagerly heading towards the light at the end of this tunnel… one pint of Ben and Jerry’s at a time.
Really? Again with the tunnel? Also, way to channel T. Swizzle here, she swagga jacked your old tumblr post.
Yes, all of you was invested in him, please don’t do that again, I hope wrapping all your hopes and dreams up in a guy is one mistake you wont repeat. I don’t know why you wrote the Ben and Jerry’s thing, were you trying to be relatable? You haven’t eaten Ben and Jerry’s for like 2 years.