This is a letter I was too afraid to send out, but it comes from the heart. These are the things I would tell him, if we were to meet again.
Hi. I never knew I’d see you again. It has been ages since I last saw you, and frankly I thought that would be the last of it.
Well, apparently not.
The previous time we spoke seemed like ages ago. Memories of being around you are stored in a rusty cabinet, untouched. I can no longer recall your favorite catchphrases, or the way you wear your hair. I can’t remember the way your eyes would dart around the room, or how you were able to make me feel so overwhelmed with emotions.
But I can remember the way you always had that ugly jeans-and-slippers combination on unless I protested, and the way you gave me sad pitying stares but refused to step any closer to me. And how you could not eloquently express your feelings for me, and the many times you pretended that I was a mere shadow in the presence of your friends. Most of all, I remembered the many lessons you taught me, or rather I learnt, along the way.
You taught me that if it is meant to be, a few days spent with that one person is all it takes to develop a connection. However, a connection does not necessarily signify that the two people are right for each other — it could have been a wrong place, wrong time, or just the wrong person. A connection is just a connection unless proven otherwise.
You taught me to love myself. To never settle for second best just because it is attainable and I can’t see the goal in the long run. Through your actions, you showed me that if I love myself, I should never ill-treat myself for what I think I want, but strive for what I need. You taught me to love myself because if I don’t, I would be indirectly inviting others to trample over me, again and again.
You taught me to be proud of who I am, and never be embarrassed of myself because others are. That if people are feeling embarrassed to be around me, I should not even be around them, because they are like poison, draining the life away from me.
But most importantly, you taught me the way to love someone is through actions, and not words, because actions do speak louder than words, and could express what love is better than the English language could ever describe. You taught me to not be selfish with my feelings and that if I take the step to give, maybe I will receive a surprise in return. And trust me, I am still learning.
So yes, after all these years, we finally meet again. Maybe you have, maybe you have not, but I genuinely hope that you’ll be able to find someone that could teach you as much as you taught me.
And from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I wish you a wonderful life ahead.