I remember those days when I walked down the hall in hopes of catching a glimpse of your face. I was young and naïve back then, but I never lost hope. I hoped that one day you would like me the way that I liked you. I was only a freshman and you were a senior. Like every other freshmen – we all had that older crush during that first year in a place that was foreign to us. We experienced new things, new people, and new feelings.
I never lost hope that one day I would have my chance with you. I dreamt of us holding hands, kissing, and being a couple…a youngster’s dreams. You went away and I stayed. We talked over the years, but you never showed interest. I went through high school and college and had relationships along the way. But I always thought of you. I always kept that hope that someday I would be able to hug you, kiss you.
Years went by and we finally had our night of passion. You felt my love. You knew there was an instant connection between us. It wasn’t long until I said I loved you. I could not have been more honest about my feelings. The years that had gone by only made me want you more, and get to know you more. Now that I was there, in bed with you, I knew that all along it had been building up to something greater.
But the reality was that you could never love me back. You were still in love with someone else. You were only in love with the idea that I loved you so much. No one else had loved you the way I did, and you loved that, not me.
When we part ways, I hope you know that I really loved you, and probably always will. I ask myself everyday what it is that I love about you so much. I have the answer, but I still don’t understand why. Is this how my life will always be? I will always love you and suffer because of it.
I have no complaints about you. The time we spend together is magical. When you kiss me, hold my hand, and even cook for me – I feel alive. I feel love, but not the kind that I have for you. You only care about me – I know it. I only wish you were honest with me about it. When I asked you to your face that one day, I knew you lied to me. I could see it in your eyes.
As the end of our relationship comes closer, I find myself longing for you. I hope that I can have that last night with you. I just want to lay with you. I want to hold you in my arms, kiss you, and fall asleep on you. I want to have one last, beautiful memory with you.
Then I will wake up in the morning, pack my stuff, and leave. You will never see or hear from me again. You deserve to love someone. You deserve someone who you can love back. You deserve the best. I am sorry that I can’t be that person.
Spending that night with you was a decision I will never regret.