Be Selfish

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“Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion.” – Margot Anand

Can you actually say that you love yourself? If so — do you truly mean it when you say it?

I’ve been thinking about how I have no problem loving others and treating them with respect, yet I cannot do the same for myself. I treat myself like my worst enemy, and there’s something seriously wrong with that.

The Golden Rule is to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Great rule, great rule. However, I think that perhaps an even more important rule is to allow yourself to be treated and cared for in the same way that you do for others. Aha! The silver rule. Wait, silver is below gold. Platinum?

{Lil’ disclaimer: I’m assuming you’re a semi-considerate, reasonable person that genuinely likes helping and being kind to others. If you’re, like, a murderer–maybe don’t apply the platinum rule. I don’t know. You do you.}

I don’t believe I am the only one who struggles with not loving myself enough, though I definitely think I am harder on myself than most. I don’t believe that everyone gives themselves the love and respect they deserve–even the most seemingly confident folks out there.

I do, however, know that I am capable of loving myself, and this is because I know that I am capable of loving others. If I loved myself even half as much as I loved my family, or my boyfriend, or even my DOG — I know I would be tremendously happier.

I’m working on it, and you should too. Give yourself some love.

There’s that one quote that goes something like, “The only person you should compare yourself to if yourself.” {Something like that, anyway.}

I was thinking about that quote. While I do think it holds very valuable insight I do not think that I fully agree with that advice. I agree with not comparing yourself to others, of course! Comparison is the thief of joy, is it not? That’s not what I mean, though. I agree with that part. Okay, just clearin’ that up.

For me personally — yes, I DO compare myself with others, which is poison, but honestly I am hard on myself when I do not measure up to MY perceived standards of success and perfection. I compare myself with myself, and if I am not performing to what I think is absolute perfection then I tear myself apart.

If I get a B on an assignment I freak out. I know that I’m an A student, and I could have done better.

What’s wrong with me? I’m so stupid. B’s are terrible and I might as well have failed. -My brain’s logic.

But a B won’t kill me, and it doesn’t mean I’m a failure.

For others, maybe you didn’t lift as much weight as you have in the past. Maybe you didn’t perform at work as well as a previous day. This rigid comparison of yourself, TO yourself can really get you down ON YOURSELF, but it shouldn’t. Sometimes, other things are more important. Sometimes it’s actually more important for me to get a B on a test and get an extra hour of sleep than to get an A and be a zombie the next day.

Don’t compare yourself to others, but hey — don’t always compare yourself to YOURSELF. Give yourself a break. Not every day can be your best.

I said the word “self” a lot in this post. Maybe there’s a reason for that. “Selfish” is usually used derogatorily, but maybe it shouldn’t be that way.

I mean, yeah — don’t be a selfish person in general by only caring about yourself without any regard for others, of course…but be a little selfish. Be a lot selfish if that’s what you need right now. I know that I need to invest more time in myself right now…in my health, in my well-being…but not so much on pressuring myself to be perfect at everything I do.

At the end of the day you are left with yourself; correct me if I’m wrong, but it’s probably a good idea to make sure yourself is all good and accounted for.

You can be selfish and still be selfless, I think. I think that working on loving yourself is great. I think it’s going to be a long journey for me, personally. I think that self-hate is an awful thing that so many people — even everyone? — struggles with. TC mark

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