1. Wiping your dirty phone screen with your finger to make sure that all the smudges are at least going in the same direction.
2. Leaving the room while singing a song that’s playing, and then seeing if you’re still in sync when you come back in the room.
3. Going shopping and putting the things you decided against in random locations around the store because it was more convenient for you, and that’s definitely not where they’re supposed to go.
4. Going back and reading an e-mail right after you sent it.
5. Feeling a sense of sadness and emptiness when that car that you’ve been behind for three hours suddenly exits the freeway.
6. Looking at your face in the mirror while on the phone. Also while crying. Also while pooping. Just doing weird things in the mirror in general.
7. Feeling weird when you have to say your name out loud in public.
8. Feeling happy and relieved when you come home and no one else is there.
9. Pressing a toy at the store that makes noise and walking away very quickly.
10. Holding in a cough because it would disrupt the situation–ultimately and inevitably having a ten-minute cough attack.
11. Catching yourself wishing that you will get hurt at work–not super hurt–just enough to get workman’s comp.
12. Pretending like nothing happened when someone spits on you so that they don’t feel bad. Then immediately sanitizing your face when they leave.
13. Pretending not to notice someone you know. Even if you actually like them–sometimes human interaction is just not on your schedule that day.
14. Kicking food crumbs under the refrigerator/oven because you’re too lazy to pick them up.
15. Letting a pot/pan soak in water and soap for an inordinate amount of time just because you are procrastinating having to actually wash it.
16. Hoping your laundry is still damp–or even better, wet–so that you don’t have to fold it just yet.
17. Feeling awkward around someone because of something that happened in a dream.
18. Seeing an odd or interesting couple and not being able get the thought out of your mind that they have sex.