1. Whatever you do, do NOT count your blessings. Make sure to only think about the things that you want but don’t have, or need but will never attain. In doing this, you will create a feeling of self-pity that is sure to make you miserable:
2. Judge the crap out of people and never look back. Did you know that first impressions are formed within the first three seconds of meeting or seeing someone? If you meet someone and make assumptions about them based on appearance or kinesics–stick to your guns and never let them change your opinion. Having negative opinions of people in your life is a fantastic way to get you on the train to Miserableville.
3. Never say please, thank you, excuse me, and ESPECIALLY don’t ever ask for help. These words are showing your weakness and lack of superiority in the world. If someone helps you out do not express gratitude. Ever. If you feel like you need help from a certain individual or group–you don’t.DON’T ASK. That renders you vulnerable and needy.
4. Beat yourself up over every failure–no matter how big or small. We aren’t put on this earth to FAIL! You better make yourself feel physically ill every time you make a mistake or don’t achieve what you set out to do. This is a big one; you need to beat yourself down in order to attain maximum miserable status.
5. Be rude to everyone. Strangers, acquaintances, friends, family, mentors…everyone. No one ever got anywhere in life being nice. Being nice, like asking for help, is a red flag for being too weak to do anything on your own. Being kind to everyone, no matter what the situation, is only going to bring you immense pleasure and satisfaction ALONG with those you are being kind to. Instead, be absolutely, unconditionally rude to every soul you meet.
6. Don’t even think about being charitable. Those old clothes you have in your garage? Throw ‘em away. Don’t even think about donating them. Definitely do NOT donate to any charity–even if your great-grandmother died from a disease that is currently seeking funds in order to cure it. Don’t serve other people. There’s no need for you to mow that old, cranky neighbor’s lawn or to walk his dog because he is wheelchair-bound. HE CAN DO IT HIMSELF. Being charitable only makes those involved feel happy. Do the inverse and only participate in selfish activities.
7. Be overly critical of everything and everyone around you. Vocalize your critiques. People need to know these things! Along with that, be overly critical of YOURSELF. You will never be good enough, and you won’t get any closer if you simply accept your flaws and shortcomings. That’s ridiculous. Make others feel bad about their appearance and efforts just as you would to yourself. In doing this, you WILL achieve the highest level of “miserable” …you’re welcome.
I hope you found these tips helpful! I truly believe that you can be completely and utterly miserable if you simply apply these seven steps to your everyday life.
Have a miserable day!