Offer to pay for all dinners to show you support his acting career. Say things like “my parents paid my phone bill until I was 19 so I totally get it.”
Announce that you don’t drink coffee either. Stop drinking coffee.
Tell him you’re up for anything. Tell him you’re easy-going. Tell him your favorite thing to do is go on adventures and try new things.
Wait two hours to text him back. Wait a day. Wait three days. He doesn’t care.
Keep your calendar open just in case he wants to make plans. Make sure he knows it’s not a big deal either way.
Practice phrases like “I’ve been so busy doing my own thing” and “I’m not one of those girls that needs to see/talk to him every day” to answer friends who ask where he’s been the past month. You’re not sure. Defend him anyways.
Buy him that expensive crystal decanter that would perfectly complete his new bar set “just because”. Don’t bring up the fact that he forgot your birthday.
Disappear the week you’re on your period. He shouldn’t have to deal with that.
Befriend his female friends. Wonder which one of them he’s slept with. Overanalyze it. Act weird every time he hangs out with this girl. Say “Nothing” and “Im fine” when he asks you why you’re mad.
Find a way to “already be in San Diego” at the same time he’s visiting his family. Drop by.
“Run into him” one night when he’s out with his friends. Decide he cares about you enough to introduce you to his friends. Decide this is a big step for the relationship.
Decide to leave first thing in the morning so you don’t have to hear him ask you to leave first thing in the morning.
When he texts “u up?” at 12:30am after eight days of no communication that caused you so much anxiety you called in sick to work one day, respond with “totes. come over.” Use an emoticon that says ‘has it been eight days already?”
Don’t get mad when he sleeps with other girls. Say you sleep with other guys too. Name them: John, Steve, Brock. Tell him you’re on the same page. Tell your friends you’re on the same page. Tell your mom you’re on the same page. Cry in the shower.
Attend a wedding as his plus one. Let him make jokes with his friends about f*cking other girls at the wedding. Laugh at these jokes. You know you’re probably the girl he’s going home with so there’s no reason to get upset, you think.
Have feelings. Ignore them.
Comment on how hot other girls are to show him how cool you are about it. Let him compare you to these girls. Compare yourself to these girls. Laugh with him about it.
Wonder if he’ll ever want to truly be with you. Let this thought eat away at you. Talk to your friends endlessly about it. Fight with your friends endlessly about it. Damage your friendships by defending him. Sit at home and wonder if you’re right. Come up with a list of reasons why you’re right. Realize it’s different this time.
Get dumped by him. Realize it’s not different this time.
Finally see the error of your ways.
Realize you’re a badass who deserves to be cherished. Decide you’re done with guys like him. Celebrate this realization with your friends over wine. Apologize to all of them for acting “so crazy”.
Meet a new guy. Wonder why you haven’t heard from him in a week. Keep your calendar open just in case he wants to make plans. Make sure he knows it’s not a big deal either way.