I used to believe that I couldn’t live without you. That living in a world without your presence would feel like nothing but chaos and agony. And for a while, it did feel that way. All I did was ask a million questions. I thought about what would’ve happened if I had fought harder to keep you by my side. To be honest, some nights I still do wonder, but I also know that this is my reality now. I am currently living this life without you by my side. This is me finally realizing that I am okay with that.
I am finally accepting the fact that you are no longer a part of me and that you haven’t been for a long time. You no longer know who I became throughout the years. How much I’ve grown and how many challenges I’ve conquered. I know that you had been a huge part of my life for such a long time, and maybe that’s one of the many reasons why I wasn’t able to move forward for quite some time. However, I am finally acknowledging that I had been holding onto the memory of you for way too long and that I should finally let all of that pain go.
I can finally call out your name without remembering the pain. The pain that kept me up most nights. The agony that I held in my arms for years. As I call out your name now all I feel is nothing but relief. I can finally remember the memories without missing the familiarity of you. I can finally tell the stories of us without breaking down. I can finally say to the world that I was once lucky enough to have someone like you in my life.
I can finally say that I am okay without you by my side. That I am no longer living this life aching because of the memories we shared. I no longer crave the familiarity of you. I no longer crave the kind of love you’ve shown me because I know how to give it to myself. I no longer seek that familiar face of yours out in the crowd. My heart no longer wonders when you will be back. I can finally say that I’ve finally moved on without breaking down or telling myself that this is all a lie.
I’ve done it, love — I had finally said my last goodbye. I no longer ask myself how you are, or if I do, I can finally fight the urge to check up on you. I tell myself it has been too long to keep holding on to a memory that no longer holds value to my present nor my future. But remember that you have taught me a valuable lesson that I will cherish for the rest of my life, and I will always be grateful that you have been a part of my life, even though it was just for a little while. But this is it, the moment I’ve been dying to get to, in which I can finally say that I am okay without you by my side.